Boston Legal

I watched Season One of Boston Legal in its entirety today. An absurd show, that I found absolutely hilarious. I only hope that I can use my internship with the PD office as a springboard to becoming the next Denny Crane. Denny Crane.

Season One ended with an episode about the death penalty. Now most of my audience gets to blog about ethical concerns that come up with real clients. I get to blog about ethical concerns that come up from watching TV shows like Boston Legal. Lame, but deal with it. Anyway that episode really pissed me off. I realize most of Boston Legal is just absurd satire on firm life, but this episode was slightly different. I would not be surprised for a second if the facts of the death penalty case from the show were taken from real life. It was a Texas case where an African American man with an IQ of 80 was accused of murdering a gas station clerk. DNA evidence placed someone else at the scene. The defendant confessed after 16 hours of interrogation and had no memory of actually committing the murder. His trial attorney gave no opening statement and failed to cross almost all of the prosecution witnesses and failed to investigate important leads. He also admitted to being on cocaine. The court couldn't care less. That pisses me off.

I don't know why I wanted to write about this episode. I've always been against the death penalty. Death penalty cases always piss me off. I don't know why an episode of Boston Legal pissed me off so much. Maybe because it was after a 12 hours marathon of television (which I realize is a luxury I will not have much longer) but that episode moved me more than John Grisham's book "The Innocent Man" or anything else I've read. It pissed me off more than the movie "The Life of David Gale." It struck a cord with me for some reason.

God I hate the death penalty.

Life is good

Today I ate pizza for dinner and forth meal (thank you taco bell). It is 5:12AM and I have not yet gone to bed. I am really enjoying having no responsibilities. I'm sure the backlash will begin soon and boredom will set in, but right now after the stress and drama of law school a simple life of watching TV and eating lots of pizza while consuming adult beverages is perfect. I wish I had an XBOX 360 or a Wii.

On Thursday I'm going to do interviews for a documentary a friend is making. The camera will be on the subject and I'll be the voice you hear from off screen asking the questions. I really think it will be a good line on the resume and will allow me to break into the acting world. Good bye public defense, hello Hollywood. I might even get to run the camera a bit so I can put actor/director on my resume. Yeah things are looking up for me.

In two weeks I will meet up with Super/Senior Intern and go visit the office where I interned. I'm excited. I've missed everyone at the office and Senior Intern a lot. A couple days after that I'm going to shadow someone at the office where I will be next summer. I predict that next semester there will be a lot of posts of me whining about how awesome the job shadow was and how badly I want to be in court doing what I saw. I know its going to happen and I apologize in advance.

Show the Rodneys some love:

Heading home

I don't feel the sick, scared distraught in my stomach that I felt after finals as a 1L. I know now that how I think I did on a test means essentially nothing. I'm not going to worry about it at all during the break. Short of a family member or close friend dying nothing is going to ruin the next 28 days. A full lunar month of freedom.

I partied too much to take part in my normal post finals routine of staring at the ceiling for an hour or so. Your mind is unable to do anything but zone out. There is nothing to distract your thoughts from just wondering. It usually ends with me falling asleep and taking a little nap.

Finals shouldn't suck this much

I'm a 2L. Finals are supposed to be less scary. I'm more scared this semester than I was last year. I think not caring all semester might have something to do with my increased feelings of woe. I've studied about the same amount but I felt like I was playing catch up for a lot of it. I console myself by remembering that the curve is easier this year and everyone else cares even less.

I may require a liver transplant once I am done.

Talked to my PD office a couple days ago. During the Holiday break I'm going to going observe for a day. I'm excited for 2 reasons. 1. I get to meet future coworkers and see the type of work I will be doing and 2. I get to suit up. I got a new french cuff shirt with a spread collar. I'm going to wear an awesome pair of cufflinks and tie an obnoxiously big Windsor knot. I'll probably wear my faux-Gucci shoes as well. Long story sort I'm gonna look good.

I also recently discovered that my blog is the number 1 google result for the search "fake pocket square." Not really my target audience, but awesome nonetheless.

Things are weird

I know I'm being used. I know there is no emotional attachment. I know that this girl is nuts. She hears, "I can't believe you are dating him" and thinks, wow people think Petition is really lucky for dating me. That same person then says to me, "Petition, what the fuck are you doing?"

I've had numerous people approach me and let me know that I should be wary. People looking out for me to make sure I'm aware of the fact that I'm being used. I feel good since I know I have friends who care enough about me to make sure I don't make such poor decisions obliviously.

I am going back to Super City for the Holiday Break. I will be gone for roughly 25 days. I think after 3 days, if that long, this girl will find someone new. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already picked her new puppy and is just waiting for me to become boring/unavailable.

I'm not sure what I am

I think I was a little hasty in declaring myself a rebound guy. I think more accurately I should be termed a mistake. I think to appease her guilt she wants to date for awhile so it isn't just an awkward slept together situation, but a "we dated and it didn't work out" situation. She says she likes me but I get the impression in talking with her that she doesn't really know me. I also get the impression that she isn't interested in someone who's career goals involve a job with a starting salary only $7,000 more than my tuition.

I'm investing as little of my self into this emotionally as possible right now. If it weren't finals week I would be far more serious about things and see how serious things are. As it is I don't want to get attached at all because I don't want any difficulty with my studies should things go south.

I think things are going to get weird really quickly. I just don't care. During finals week food has no calories, actions have no consequences and drinking is acceptable any day of the week.

I'm the rebound guy

I have a history of dating crazy girls. When I say crazy I mean bat shit, should be heavily medicated or living in a home, crazy. The first 1L I dated was a close second to the craziest girl I ever dated. I stayed with her because once I'm in a relationship I don't want to leave. Sure it may suck but at least I have someone. This usually means that the relationship goes on entirely too long and ends disastrously.

I also have a history of girls using me as a girlfriend. This essentially means I get to become one of the girls and hear all about all the guys they want to sleep with or all the problems they have with their boyfriends. Sometimes we even cuddle, but no kissing, no sex, just frustration and information that men are not supposed to know.

I think this is the result of my coming off as gay to a lot of girls when they first meet me. I'm so nonthreatening and I don't make a move.

Yesterday an interesting, and not seen before, phenomenon of being a "girlfriend" occurred. One of the girls just got out of a bad relationship and "needed" a rebound guy. She apparently didn't want to look far and I didn't put up much of a fight.

Now I know the healthy thing for me to do now is run for my life. Am I going to? No. I'm going to stick it out because of some very stupid reasons. 1. She's hot, like the hottest girl I've had. 2. Actually I can't think of another reason. Did I mention she's really hot.

I swear I'm not a pig. I just make poor decisions sometimes. (For any employers reading this, I make poor decisions regarding romantic relationships on occasion, my decisions on the professional level I assure you are always well reasoned and logical.)

So moral of the story is that most of the time I don't just want to be friends but I fail to make a move for so long that I fall hopelessly into the just friends pit of doom.

Why isn't the summer here yet?

Getting the internship offer may have been a bad thing for my GPA. I already barely give half a shit about law school. Most of my classes are not relevant to either my interests or my future job prospects. I learned after first semester that my exam grade has nothing to do with my actual understanding of the material but everything to do with identifying issues and regurgitating rules. If I didn't have a study group I don't think I would have done anything for my finals yet. I study only because my group expects things from me.

I'm happy I managed to land a PD internship. Gives this blog a continuing source of legitimacy.

So far this is what I know about my internship. I will be assigned to a specific court room with an attorney supervisor. I will most likely be assigned to the misdemeanor court room. They will try and give me a case that will go to trial.

I WILL GET TO TRY MY OWN CASE.

I realize for most of my readers that is fairly common experience. For me it is the most terrifying prospect on earth, and yet I am dying to experience it. I know I will be absolutely terrified in court. I also know that I will get such an adrenaline rush that will remind me of my reason for living. When I did mock trial as an undergrad each trial was better than any drug (not that I have any real drug use experience, but its better than pain killers, marijuana and alcohol). I imagine a real trial will be ten times better than mock trial.

I found out that I don't actually compete in moor court again until Spring of 2009. This hopefully means that my last semester I will get to do Trial Advocacy, Moot Court Nationals, a Clinic and one other class. That sounds like a good way to end.

Interview apparently went really well

Got, and accepted, an offer at my first choice PD office yesterday. Also found out that I've advanced in moot court. Having a really good day.

Interview went well

I had my first interview last week. I think it went well. Both the people who interviewed me were really nice and I really liked the office. I was impressed with the receiptionists who remained calm despite phones that never stopped ringing. I will write more about the interview once I hear back from the office.

Spent some quality time with my family last week and did next to nothing law school related. Probably not good for my GPA but definately good for my sanity. Visited friends from undergrad. Drank cheap beer with them and tried to pick up girls for my friend on a Tuesday night (didn't work out so well.) Watched my undergrad team defeat our rivals in football (it was a miracle). Played with my cats. Suited up just for the fun of it. Ate a bunch of food. And lastly froze to death waiting in line on Black Friday.

A victory (kind of)

I worked on 6 different cases over the summer. Today the court issued an opinion on one of those cases. On the substantive issues the court was pretty much ass wrong. The real attorney is moving for reconsideration.

One of the issues was the Prosecutor failed to follow a mandatory rule. My contribution to the brief was a section where I asked the court to direct the Prosecutor to show cause as to why sanctions should not be imposed for their failure to comply with the rule. Of all the arguments made in the brief this was the only one the court bought. The court said:

[W]e refer this matter to the court's commissioner with instructions that the [ ] County Prosecutor be directed to show cause why sanctions should not be imposed for failure to timely comply with [the mandatory rule].

It isn't as though the Prosecutor was just a couple days late or anything. When I wrote the brief the Prosecutor was 14 months late.

Now I feel like the work I did over the summer wasn't just worthless busy work. I actually did something kind of useful. Sure I didn't actually help a defendant, but sanctioning a prosecutor is still pretty good, right?

Google Analytics remains awesome

Five firms have visited my site now. I did some more fooling around and discovered that I could find out what terms the law firms visiting my site used to find my site.

Firm #1 found my site searching for: "funny law school blogs 2l"
Firm #2 found my site searching for: "groin pick"
Three other firms found my site searching for: "petition for review"

This scares me

Skelly has a post about an anti-death penalty attorney hanging herself. Feeling Pain Until the Bitter End

The post made me think about how I am going to deal with depression once I am a real attorney. I think most law students can make it through their Crim Pro classes because the Defendant isn't real to them. (Hell for most of them he's just a Δ. I think I cope in a similar manner. Over the summer I did appeals so I never had to even speak with my clients. When working with prisoners I only have to answer letters. If I don't like an issue I can just chuck the letter in the trash can and pick up another.

The idea of being assigned to real people with real issues and losing in my attempts to help them is depressing for me. I've suffered with depression in the past fairly seriously. I see a counselor at least once a month now just to keep my life in order (thankfully I got off the anti-depressants, worst medication ever). My life has been simple and easy and I've become depressed. A little part of me is worried that struggling to help people and failing will just ruin me. The rest of me is more convinced that not struggling to help people, but getting a firm job and making rich people richer would make me even more depressed.

In unrelated news the first years are absolutely losing it. Complaints such as, "Oh my god I'm so behind on my outlines for Criminal Procedure or Con Law" or "I have to read 4 million pages, outline for 3 classes and walk the dog by tomorrow" permeate the halls. I really hope I wasn't this obnoxious last year.

Google Analytics is awesome

Google Analytics shows a lot of interesting things. It shows me that most of my traffic comes from PD Stuff and that I get really weird search engine results ("the difference between metrosexual and homosexual").

I realized recently that it will show Network locations. I was bored so I took at look at that section. I now know that at least 4 people have looked at my blog from their law firm computers. Two of the law firms do criminal defense work and one of them is from the city I want to work in. The other two firms are IP firms.

I said I wouldn't do this

... but I gotta tell someone. I am a disaster with women. I was horrible in high school and bad in college. I was assured by my father and others that law school would make me so much more attractive to the ladies. "Hey, check out my earning potential." I was skeptical but more than willing to be proven wrong.

I was not wrong. I remain a failure despite my new "earning potential."

I've dated in law school but each time after a week I've known that it wasn't going to last. I'm ok with being single in law school. I just worry sometimes that if I don't find someone in law school I will be pathetic and alone the rest of my life. I have no idea how to meet people outside of school.

I can't do the whole bar scene. What kind of story would that be for my kids? Yeah I met your mom at a bar one night. I much prefer my parents story of "You dad asked me for the answer to a question on our history test." Cheating in history class, a match made in heaven.

I can't cheat in law school, so I how am I supposed to meet anyone?

Woohoo

One day after my minor freak out and I have an interview. This is an interview with my top choice office. Very happy right now.

Getting a PD internship shouldn't be this difficult

Both of my roommates have job offers now. Most of the people I know have job offers now. I haven't heard anything. I can't even get the offices I applied to to answer the phone. I'm finally having a minor freak out about my lack of job prospects for next summer.

I think I need to expand my geographical limitations and just accept the fact that I'm going to have to find a crappy apartment somewhere for the summer. Living at home for free would be nice, but not living with my parents again would also be nice.

I think my cover letter is solid. Both the career services people and one of the attorneys I worked with over the summer took a look at it. My resume is chock full of activities that show my interest in helping the less fortunate in our legal system. According to career services I should have my GPA on my resume. I don't put my GPA on it because I was told by one of the attorneys I worked with that it isn't needed. Either way my GPA is better than bad but less than awesome. My writing samples are both on both came from briefs I wrote over the summer.

I called the offices to inquire as to whether that had received my application and ask when I should expect to hear back and got voicemail.

I think I must be doing something wrong. Anyone have any suggestions or see anything that I've mentioned that just seems wrong?

I don't want to turn this into a law school blog

I've been reading a lot of law school blogs and have learned a couple things that make me think I don't have what it takes to be a law school bloggers. Here is a short list detailing why I wouldn't make it in the law school blogosphere.

1. I have no real interest in detailing my romantic life. Nor do I have any interests in posting the graphic details about my sex life.
2. I'm not sure how many posts I can make about hating gunners. I hate gunners, what more needs to be said?
3. I have no interest in big firm interviews. It seems every 2L blogger has to talk about how Big Firm X is offering $2400 a week, but s/he really liked the partner at Big Firm Y that only offers $2300 a week. Oh your life is so hard.
4. Blogging about class and what happens in it makes it very easy for people to figure out who you are. I've already found 2 classmates "anonymous" blogs.
5. Most of the "funny" things that occur in class are only funny because of the context. Almost anything will seems funny after a 90 minute contracts class. Lawyers and law students are just not funny. Think about it have you ever heard of a lawyer turned comedian? Doesn't happen because we are boring people with lame stories.
6. Lastly I have no interest it letting you all know how busy I am. I'm sorry if you are really busy because of moot court, law review, interviews, class, your 4 clubs and a hectic drinking schedule. Maybe you shouldn't have over extended yourself so much. I'm so sorry someone held a gun to your head and made you sign up for all those activities. Whats that? you signed up of your own free will? Well I guess that just shows you have poor decision making skills.

I really need to start another internship. Senior Intern emailed me letting me know she has an interview at a large PD office in a large city on the West Coast. I'm excited for her and very jealous.

Working for the man

A friend of mine at another law school got an externship working for a prosecutor. I told her we could no longer be friends. She didn't believe and somehow our friendship continues.

Today she told me that she can only do her job if she pretends that the defendant isn't actually a human. She is happy to have the law on her side most of the time, but isn't sure if that is a good thing.

I continue to believe that not doing law review was a good decision. My slacker load combined with moot court is enough to make me quite busy. I can't imagine spending hours each week reviewing citations. Just the thought of having to check other people's citations for hours on end makes me want to crawl into a hole and cry.

I'm reaching my target audience

Someone found this site using the search terms "law school 1l beaten." The search terms "social worker suck" were also successful. Now I am hoping for "prosecutor's are evil" or "don't wear brown shoes with a black suit."

Dating a 1L is interesting. I'm very laid back and just don't care about law school this semester. I still go to my study group once a week. I still read for my classes and I still pay attention in most of my classes. I've even started outlining already. I just don't let the stress freak me out. 1L girl is letting the stress get to her and starting to freak out a bit. I'm not sure I will be able to handle this.

Last year the girl I dated went (even more) insane the month before finals began. She spent every single day in the library from 8-midnight studying. She would take a break from studying once a week. She wouldn't even take a break to go out to dinner with me. Usually the only time I saw her was if I gave her a ride home when she finished studying. I couldn't handle her neurosis. Her stress became my stress. I'm glad we broke up before finals because dumping her released a lot of stress from my life and let me enter finals calm and collected.

My study group has a much more relaxed approach to studying. Last time we studied we managed to spent an hour and 45 minutes actually doing work and only about 15 minutes watching videos on youtube. Insanely productive.

I got the State's response to the brief I wrote over the summer awhile ago. I knew by virtue of the fact that I was given the case that the issues were not that strong. It still sucked to see the State rip my arguments apart. I read so many half-assed, badly written briefs from the State over the summer and so of course in response to my brief they actually wrote something decent. We might still have an chance with the second issue but I just know the court will buy the State's argument on the first issue. Seeing a real attorney respond to something I wrote gave me that "real lawyer" feeling again.

Seriously?

So your friend is in trouble with the law. Being a good friend you try and help your friend out by seeking out some legal advice for them. You turn to the best legal source available: the blog of former PD intern second year law student with a mediocre GPA.

In trying to get the 2L's legal advice you butter him up telling him about "his idiot woman public defender." Nothing inspires me to help more than denigrating women and those in the profession I am seeking. If only you could have called her sexuality into question.

I now understand why everyone else has a disclaimer next to their email address on their blog. I was thinking about giving him some legal advice. I hear that does wonders on the character and fitness portion of the bar exam. Oh it doesn't? Oh ok, guess he's screwed.

In unrelated, and overly personal, news I am no longer rumored to be the creepy 2L who is dating a 1L. I AM the creepy 2L. Go me.

Have I mentioned that I hate law school?

Today at 12:30 I found out that I had a mandatory meeting at 5:45. I was one of the lucky ones. Some people didn't find out until 3:30. During the meeting where this was announced someone shouted, "This is bullshit." In response someone else said "I believe he speaks for the rest of us." The meeting was pointless as well. But hey I had nothing better to do today than spend 10 hours at the law school.

The rumor mongering is starting up again. Actually it has probably been going on the entire time it just involves me finally. The latest rumor is that I'm dating a 1L. Great now I'm the creepy 2L who preys on the fresh meat.


The 1L's are still so idealistic. There are a lot of them who are interested in criminal defense work and public interest law. I can't remember if my class was like that at the beginning. If we were it has been soundly beaten out of us.

Legal Movies

I heard from Senior Intern recently. She's been busy and hasn't had a chance to write much. She just started an internship at the juvy branch of her local PD office. I'm very jealous.

She emailed me to thank me for her birthday present. I sent her three fabulous legal movies that everyone should watch.

The first film was Super Troopers. Besides the excellent criminal procedure hypos and numerous civil rights violations, the movie opens with three stoners arguing about property rights on the beach. Property law and criminal procedure, my least, and most favorite, areas of law, together at last.

Movie #2 was My Cousin Vinny. It was sent as inspiration to fight for her clients no matter how bad the case may look. The clients may just end up being innocent. It is also good inspiration for young attorney's facing their first big trial. They just have to have a girlfriend who knows a lot about cars.

Movie #3 was The Firm. This was sent so as to remind her that all firms are evil and she should never work at one.

If I had unlimited money I would have included: The Life of David Gale, A Civil Action (although the book is way better), and The People vs. Larry Flynt. I'm sure there a lot more great legal movies out there but this is my list. Any of my 4 readers have any better ones to suggest?*

*First person to say Legally Blonde gets banned.

anonymity and job search

I have a lot of topics I want to blog about but I can't figure out how to do while maintaining my anonymity. Of course I've already given away enough details that all of my friends and coworkers could ID me instantly. I mostly maintain the anonymous status of my blog to prevent future employers from finding it.

I've applied for a couple PD internships next summer already. I've also applied for an internship at a non-profit working on prisoners' rights issues. I realize it is important to show that I am a "true believer" if I ever hope to get a job at a PD office and I hope that prisoners' rights work shows that. I figure working for prisoners shows my understanding that the guilty still deserve legal representation. I think prisoners work shows that even more than PD work. In theory a higher percentage of clients in a PD office are innocent than I would encounter doing prisoners' rights work.

I signed up for moot court yesterday after learning one of the moot courts offered has a criminal procedure case this year. Now I just have to hope I don't get assigned to the State's side of the case.

The Opine Editorials* linked to my post about marriage for same-sex couples in Iowa. I was all excited to have new readers until I went and read some posts at the Opine Editorials. The blog uses the term same-sex "marriage" with marriage always in quotation marks. The blog is devoted to "defending" marriage as between a man and a woman. I guess I should be happy that I'm not just preaching to the choir.

*I'm not going to link to them. You all have Google and can find their blog if you want to.

Marriage for same-sex couples

Marriage was opened for same-sex couples in Iowa for all of a couple hours last week.* One couple managed to get married during that short time period. From the Des Moines Register:

The office hummed with excited gay and lesbian couples. McQuillan and Fritz filled out the paperwork for a marriage license. McQuillan put his name under "groom," Fritz under "bride." ("A very masculine bride," the bearded Fritz joked.)

They paid $5 to waive the three-day period between getting a marriage license and getting married. Now all they needed was a judge willing to sign the waiver form - then marry them.

...

Iowa's would-be first couple of gay marriage walked up the courthouse stairs and found District Judge Scott Rosenberg.

...

[A] minister with the First Unitarian Church of Des Moines agreed to marry them.

...

They raced down Interstate Highway 235, sprinted into the county administration building, ran to the office, received their official marriage certificate, and posed for the cameras.

It was 10:45 a.m.

Less than an hour later, Polk County Judge Robert Hanson suspended his earlier ruling allowing same-sex marriage, pending an appeal to the Iowa Supreme Court. Moments later, the Polk County recorder's office stopped accepting same-sex marriage license applications.

Read the entire story here.

Marriage for same-sex couples is one of those issues I get really passionate about and it confuses people. People ask if I'm gay a lot. (I suspect the shoe shopping and interest in men's fashion has something to do with it.) When they find out that I'm not they assume that I care about marriage for same-sex couple because I have a close friend or family member who is gay. I don't really. That isn't to say I don't have gay and lesbian friends, it just means that I would care about this issue just as much if I didn't know anyone who wasn't straight.

There are only two issues that I am willing to say there is no possible way to convince me that I am wrong. I am 100% convinced that marriage should be between two loving people regardless of sex, and I am 100% convinced that the death penalty is wrong. All other issues I welcome debate and am willing to revise my positions given the right argument.

I was going to post this on PD Stuff but it seems to be down right now. Thankfully Gideon should be back tomorrow to retake the throne.

*I don't refer to it as "gay marriage" or "same-sex marriage" as those terms were beaten out of me during my work with the ACLU. Both terms imply that it is a separate type of marriage for "gay" or "same-sex" couples, whereas the term "marriage for same-sex couples" indicates that it is the same marriage as given to a man and woman just opened up to all.

My reign of terror at PD stuff begins

I began my reign of terror by posting selections from mellancollyeyes' post entitled "Grrr...school blows so much ass it's unbelievable. I realize PD stuff is supposed to be about Public Defenders but I felt like reminding them why their internship programs are so important to some law students.

I thought that managing PD stuff would kill a significant amount of time in class, but I was wrong. I was finished by the time I was halfway done with my first class. That left lunch and two classes with only freecell and spider solitaire to pass the time (along with various other internet games).

Tomorrow I will try and find material that is slightly more relevant to the general readership of PD stuff. If anyone has anything of interest they would like me to post on the main page just send me an email or leave a comment.

Letters from prisoners

An organization I am involved with gets letters from prisoners across the country asking for help with their legal issues. When we have the time we research the prisoners' letters and send back short memos explaining the area of law to them. Many of our letters are from a prisoner who is preparing a habeas or a 1983 claim. Those letters I understand. I don't understand the letters from prisoners upset with their Public Defender and asking if we know of any lawyers who offer pro bono representation for indigent clients. We do know of lawyers who will work for no charge from you if you are indigent, they are called: PUBLIC DEFENDERS.

I really like Audacity's post about Michael Vick pleading guilty. I think I may print it out and mail it back to the prisoners who write in.

The best thing about Mike Vick pleading guilty is that if a client ever starts off with, “If I had a real lawyer…” I can say, “Mike Vick had a real lawyer.”

In unrelated news I will be guest blogging at PD Stuff starting on the 25th. I did a practice run today and posted two items. I'm like a PD blog intern.

Bleh

I still want to be a PD but I just can't stand the thought of two more years of law school. I have come up with a new plan. California, Vermont, Virginia, or Washington still allow one to sit for the bar without attending law school. I humbly ask any PD's out there from California, Vermont, Virginia, or Washington if you would be willing to let me apprentice with you? I'll even pay you what I would have paid in tuition costs (which trust me is a good deal on your end.)

Anyone? Yeah didn't think so.

How about tips explaining how you dealt with Type-A gunners who think you are pond scum for not being in the top 10% and on law review? And don't say drink because I already do way to much of that.

I miss my internship.

OCI

Everyone else is going insane with on campus interviews. One of my roommates has 9 interviews in one day. I have 0 interviews. There were no firms coming to my campus from the city where I want to practice. There were also no firms that do any criminal law other than white collar.

I've been spending my free time getting my resume in order and preparing cover letters letting all the PD offices know why I am awesome. I'm going PD office or bust.

Also a friend needs to stop bragging about being in the top 10%, law review, winning some award, TAing for someone and other general asshattery. I'm very happy that she did well, but she needs to shut it. She found out that a mutual friend did better than her in a certain class. She responded with an incredulous "really?"

I think it bothers her that I'm not jealous of her. I don't care that she will have a very easy time making a lot of money and working insane hours for some corporate law firm. As long as I can survive and practice criminal defense law in my city of choice I will be happy.

Who builds an outdoor mall in Wisconsin?

I've driven through Wisconsin twice now. Both times I stopped at an outlet mall for a nice break. Last time there was snow on the ground and it was cold. I thought to myself that the mall was probably designed for the summer tourists and it was probably pretty nice there in the summer. I was wrong. Give me snow any day over the heat and humidity. I went into stores I would never purchase anything from just for some air conditioning. What kind of idiot decides that an outdoor mall is a good venue in a climate with brutal winters and hot/humid summers?

I would also like to address some driving concerns. If you are driving on a freeway with little to no traffic and someone comes up behind you to pass DO NOT SPEED UP. I know you are speeding up because I'm using cruise control and my speed hasn't changed.

Passing should occur in the left lane. The sign saying slower traffic keep right means that if I am behind you in the left most lane MOVE TO THE RIGHT.

I used to think that Montana was my favorite State to drive in. That was before I had driven in North Dakota. While boring as sin, North Dakota has the same speed limit as Montana (75mph) and better quality roads. The roads in Montana are horrible. The entire time I was in North Dakota I never once felt that the speed limit was unreasonable. I felt no desire to speed. The two times I saw a cop I almost hit the break as a reflex. Driving without a fear of being pulled over for speeding is a weird experience for me. This was the first time I had ever been in North Dakota. I previously drove through South Dakota. South Dakota is the lamer of the Dakotas. Wall Drug is the lamest thing on earth.

People can not drive in Minnesota. I swear the second I hit the border the quality of driving went down. Things stayed largely the same in Wisconsin, except a little slower and with a lot more cops. I saw more cops in Wisconsin than I did in the other six states I drove in combined.

Now that I am done with my internship I will turn this blog into more of a law school blog until next summer.

Former/future PD intern

I only cried a little bit today. I might have made it out without crying in front of anyone had the other intern not started crying when I said good bye. In a strange way I was happy when she started crying because it told me that she enjoyed working with me as much as I enjoyed working with her.

It has been less than 12 hours since I left work and I already miss it. Even if I wasn't returning to the hell that is law school I would be sad right now. My internship had everything, great people, doing great work, in a wonderful city. Everyone offered wonderful advice on what I should do for next year and who I should talk to at what agency.

It didn't take my lackluster GPA first semester for me to realize that firm life was not for me. The little part of me that still thought I might one day end up at a firm died this summer. If I worked at a firm, even the most important client would not have as pressing of issues as the cases I handled as a PD intern. Sure Mr. Bigwig might lose $5 million dollars, but Mr. Crackdealer is going to lose 30 months of his life (assuming he is lucky and gets an exceptionally low sentence.)

Which reminds me, Mr. Crackdealer (well Ms. Crackdealer's accomplice really) sent us a letter today. He agreed that his case had issues but thoughtfully pointed out all the issues I failed to raise. I failed to raise a couple of issues that were completely absent from the record. I also failed to raise the issue that he had no illegal substance on him when he was arrested (nevermind the fact he was charged with being an accomplice to delivery).

The other intern tried to one up my sucking up skills today by bringing in a box of cookies. To out do her I negotiated the sale of a new car for one of the attorney's at the office. The car he wanted was selling in our area for roughly $700 below MSRP. I got it for $1300 under MSRP. I get a sick sense of enjoyment out of haggling. My coworker was ready to sign when I got it to $1100 under MSRP but I was persistent that we could do better. I should have made him split the $200 I saved him with me.

last week

This will be my last week as an intern. I am not excited by this fact. I am not excited to return to the world of gunners. I have enjoyed every single day of my internship. The difference between the actual practice of law and law school astounds me. The only classes that taught me anything useful on a daily basis were Legal Writing and Research. I bitched and moaned a lot about my legal writing professor during law school. I stand by most of that bitching and moaning but I have give the prof credit for actually teaching me some decent legal writing skills.

Super Intern got to argue a case before the Court of Appeals on Friday. She embarrassed herself and the office with her pathetic attempt at oral advocacy. Actually she did an excellent job and we might actually win the case. I credit my excellent cheer leading for the win. Dammit I had a matching tie and REAL pocket square combo just for her oral arguments.

In thinking about what I want to do next summer it occurred to me that the Super Intern won't be there. This saddens me. We shared an "office" together this summer so we spent a lot of time working together. If we had not gotten a long it would have been a much more difficult summer. We bounced ideas off of each other so often that I'm having trouble imagining doing the work without her. We kept each other sane when deadlines approached. We complained about the crappiness of our issues. We shared stories about the hell that is law school. We sucked up to the attorneys with bags of chocolate. We watched as the seagull eggs hatched. We named their father after a prosecutor.

Terminations suck

I've been working on a termination of parental rights case for the past week. My case sucked because it was winnable at the trial level if my client hadn't left in the middle. I'm not sure what I did to deserve the termination case, but I promise to never do whatever it was again. Nothing in life is bad enough to deserve a termination case as punishment. And I got the good termination case.

The other intern (we'll call her Senior Intern) in my office has a case where a developmentally disabled couple had their children taken away for a wide variety of reasons. Exhibit 1 is a photo of the couch in the their house. A couch covered with dog shit. The same dog shit that the social worker saw the children eating. Senior Intern represents the mother. In drafting her appeal she utilized In re Fake Name. Turns out the father in In re Fake Name is the same father of the children in her case. He apparently is the developmentally disabled mack daddy of our state. He preys on developmentally disabled women and sexually harasses the social workers. He does odd jobs for a man who owns a junkyard. The junkyard owner doesn't pay him in cash. Instead he gets all the junk his front yard can handle. He has an excellent business plan though. Once he has a big enough collection of junk, people will come in off the street and offer to buy his junk.

Lessons learned from working a termination.
1. Never piss of a social worker. The best mother on earth could have her children taken away by a disgruntled social worker and psychologist.

2. There is no right answer when speaking with a psychologist.
"My children frustrate me __ None of the time. ___ Some of the time. ___ All of the time." If you select the first option you are lying. The second option shows you need to work towards the first one. The last option just means you are honest.

If you express fear that the Department is going to take your children away (perhaps because they are working to take your children away) you are paranoid. Paranoia means you may become explosive and verbally lash out at your children. This may cause your children anxiety, which may lead to development issues for them. Thus you are clearly unfit as a parent.

3. When the Department says "services" they mean "hoops," hoops for you to jump through like a circus animal. You had better not hit the side of the hoops. Only a perfect leap through the hoop shows your dedication to fixing your parental deficiencies.

4. Being a victim of domestic violence is apparently a parental deficiency. (And previous cases have shown that being raped by 10 different men means you are unable to protect your children.)

5. Judges will believe anything said by a State psychologist or social worker.

6. If one of your parental deficiencies is your failure to maintain employment, the State will schedule your visitation during work hours.

Some good news as well. My stupid pro se client realized what a dumb move he made and asked the Court to withdraw his motion.

Defense 2, State 0

Good news. Got a verdict in the prosecutorial misconduct case yesterday. Jury acquitted on 1st degree murder and hung on 2nd degree and manslaughter.

Just goes to show the damage that prosecutorial misconduct can cause.
1st trial with misconduct, guilty of 1st degree murder.
2nd trial with essentially the same witnesses and evidence, jury can't even agree to manslaughter.

(Although I think one of the jurors was so disgusted by the fake pocket square that they refused to convict.)

prosecutorial misconduct

Watched a closing argument in a murder case today. The prosecutor essentially argued that because the defendant was in the car when the gun was passed around and didn't hurl himself out the window he was an accomplice.

A couple other observations from court:
Fake pocket squares make you look like a tool, don't wear them.
Bowties work for 1% of the population. For the other 99% they make you look like more of a tool than your fake pocket square.
Don't wear brown shoes with a black suit.
Jurors get pissed off when they find out they were an alternate. Seriously the lady looked like she was going to cry.
Listening to jury instructions is boring.

pro se defendants

I worked my ass off for the past week and a half writing a motion for discretionary review. The case didn't have very good issues, but I scraped the bottom of the barrel writing something. My second issue was so "creative" that my supervisor told me he was surprised I was able to create as strong of an argument as I did.

Then yesterday we learned that the factual basis for my first issue was actually different so I couldn't make the argument. That left me with crappy issue #2. Ok fine we aren't going to win but at least all my work wasn't in vain. I reformated the motion to only include the single issue.

Then today we got some mail. Our client decided to write and file his own motion. Said motion contained 15 appendices, no citations to any court cases and raised a prosecutorial misconduct issue for the first time. The issue I had argued was not mentioned at all.

A week and a half of work for nothing. I can't even use what I wrote as a writing sample because it is such a god awful weak argument.

representing the majesty of the People

I came across the following quote while doing research on a Petition for Review . I really like it and it is the first time I have used a citation from the 1800's.

The district attorney, representing the majesty of the People, and having no responsibility, except fairly to discharge his duty, should put himself under proper restraint, and should not in his remarks, in the hearing of the jury, go beyond the evidence or the bounds of a reasonable moderation.

People v. Greenwall, 115 N.Y. 520, 526, 22 N.E. 180 (1889). How I wish prosecutors remembered that. 118 years and prosecutors still don't get it. When is society going to realize that a conviction at any cost, includes the cost of our constitutional rights?

As part of her justification for telling me I have no conscience, my bus friend said "well most of them are guilty anyway." Right there in her statement is the reason why everyone deserves a defense attorney: "most". Most is less than All. Most understands that some defendants are in fact innocent. Most realizes that in order to treat the falsely accused fairly we must presume that everyone is innocent unless and until we can prove otherwise. It's as if our system had a presumption of some kind, a presumption of innocence.

Has anyone switched over the Word 2007? I've been using it for the past month and while I like many of the changes that have been made, I'm noticing some serious flaws. I cannot get the Table of Contents feature to work correctly. It insists upon changing my formatting. I've unchecked the box saying "build table of contents from: Styles" yet it continues to change the styles of the selected text. Also for some reason the Table of Authorities decided to randomly make some of my entries bold.

It also has a new setting to automatically add a space between paragraphs. I'm not sure how this feature could ever be useful.

If anyone understands Word 2007 any better or has any suggestions please leave a comment. Since I'm just an intern I have a feeling that when I finally snap and start swearing at and punching my computer it won't go over well.

I'm 60 pages from finishing Defending the Damned. It's no Courtroom 302, but I've enjoyed it so far. I'll write more once I finish it.

The Seattle Police Department: Deliverying respectful, professional and dependable beatings

In 2005 the Seattle Police department arrested Maikoiyo Alley-Barnes. In the course of the arrest the police used a "groin pick" to subdue Mr. Alley-Barnes. The police officer grabbed him by his scrotum and threw him onto the hood of a police car. From there the a witness can be heard screaming "Oh my god!" and another saying "that's too much." It was at this point in the tape where Mr. Alley-Barnes can be heard asking the officers to"please stop kicking me." The Office of Professional Responsibility recommend discipline for the officers involved. The police chief chose not to punish them.

The SPD's attorney stated "It's hard to discipline somebody when what they are doing is, in fact, in their job description."

The mission statement of the SPD: "Prevent Crime, Enforce the Law & Support Quality Public Safety by Delivering Respectful, Professional, & Dependable Police Services." Who knew that vicious beatings were considered respectful, professional and dependable services?

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003762615_alleybarnes26m.html

bus rant plus a lesson learned from a client

Simple bus etiquette establishes that sitting next to someone is only acceptable when it is the only remaining seating option. This means that smelly bicycle guy is violating the rules when he sits next to me in the front of the bus instead of walking to the back of the bus and getting a seat to himself. It does not matter that he only rides the bus for 10 minutes. I don't want to smell his BO. No one is going to steal your bike off of the rack while we are traveling at 60mph. Its not that nice of a bike anyway.

Now in the unfortunate situations where the bus is full and a seating partner is required there are additional rules that must be followed. First and foremost you may not touch the person next to you. If they are reading you may not engage them in conversation. Sleeping is acceptable. A sharp jab in the ribs is acceptable if a sleeper violates the no touching rule. If you are an old dude don't intentionally sit next to the cute college girl. That is just creepy (and takes that seat away from me.)

You may not call someone on your cellphone. Text messaging is acceptable, long phone calls are not. Calling someone to pick you up at the park and ride, acceptable. Calling to explain you are going to be late becasue the construction workers decided to close 2 lanes of the main 3 lane round into town, acceptable. Explaining to your brother how to get to the mall on the bus while your friend reads you the bus schedule, not acceptable.

When boarding the bus it is a first come, first serve situation. Violations of this rule void the other rules. If you cut in front of me to get on the bus I will sit next to you and talk loudly on my cellphone. If you cut in front of me and get the last window seat I may use you as a pillow for my nap.

If you are between the ages of 13-17 and you get on with 5 of your friends you may not speak. If you chose to violate this rule, at least have the courtesy to not discuss how much cheaper the bus fare is for you.

Technically it is a violation of the bus etiquette to engage in a conversation with more than one person. This interrupts those attempting to sleep. I confess to breaking this rule on a daily basis. In my defense I take the last bus into town so everyone on it has had ample opportunity to sleep. I also talk with an entire section of the bus. If you want to sleep move to the front of the bus.

And now for a lesson learned from a client. If the state takes away your children it is NOT a good idea to leave in the middle of the hearing for a wedding in Vegas.

The sandwich the other intern at my office lost 2 weeks ago has been found. It was located in one of the many pockets of her backpack. It was no longer fit for human consumption. Also it has come to my attention that vegetarian corndogs exist. And no, they are not just sticks dipped in batter.

So you have no conscience?

I confess to being one of those people who talks on the bus. Not on a cellphone, but to those around me. I get car sick if I try and read so I try and make conversation. I've got a nice group of bus friends that I talk to most days. One of my bus friends asked me what I want to do after I graduate from law school. After I said public defender she said "So you have no conscience?"

transcripts are fun

I have my very own appeal now. I've been reading the transcripts of the case for the past couple of days. The defendant insisted on taking the stand even though the two main witnesses contradicted themselves on numerous occasions. His long rambling narrative answers to questions went on so long that even he forgot the question that had been asked. He went on to mimic the states witnesses and contradicted himself numerous times. When the prosecutor called him on it he just denied making the statement. His testimony was impossible to follow even after reading it three times. His story seemed to be made up as he went along, filing in details as they seemed necessary and rejecting previous parts of the story that no longer fit. I'm sure this is old news and happens all the time for the real PD's out there, but I can't believe that people are so stupid as to believe a jury will buy a story that is obviously bunk.

Shockingly the client was convicted of a drug offense, as an accomplice, with a very very small amount of the substance (police scales couldn't even record the amount, lab had to weigh it for them). Sentencing range was between 60-120 months. The state asked for 90 months. Luckily the judge was a reasonable man and gave him a sentence far below the standard range.

I went and watched some cases at the trial level today. Got to hear a suppression hearing in a homicide. A homicide where two different guns were used, one was fired multiple times the other only once. The police convinced the defendant that if he turning in the gun he used would help his case. Turning in the gun would be in his best interest, they explained, because it would prove that he hadn't used the gun that fired multiple times. Even if he didn't turn in his gun, they assured him they would find it and that they would find his DNA on any bullets in the gun if he so much as touched them. In the alternative he could turn in the his partner's gun and they would DNA and fingerprint test it to prove that he didn't use it.

have you read the patriot act?

Yesterday I went to visit some friends from high school. My friend lives in a very liberal college town populated almost completely with hippies. Until this weekend I thought I was a pretty liberal guy. I expected some hostility from the hippies for being in law school. I thought I would be able to deflect the hostility by explaining my intentions of becoming a public defender. I was wrong. I learned this weekend is that neither extreme of the political spectrum likes public defenders.

As I approached the party I was greeted with the scent of burning grass and people smoking "something" out of a glass pipe. My friend inquired as to whether I was going to "narc" on them for smoking pot. I reminded my friend that I want to be a public defender. I pulled out my bottle of 12 year old single malt and sat back to watch the stoned hippies make asses of themselves. Unfortunately all the guys decided they needed to take their shirts off. Then two of the girls followed (this sadly was also unfortunate). I poured myself some more scotch.

They topic of being a public defender came up (in their drunken/high state the concept of being an intern seemed to have escaped them). Drunk/high shirtless hippie #1 decided to explain to me the problems of our justice system. He explained that I was a horrible person for defending child rapists and murders. He repeatedly took issue with the fact that even if a client admitted guilt it was still my job to defend them. I explained that at that point the job of a defense attorney is not to "get the guy off" but to make sure the state proves their case. I said something about protecting our constitutional rights and he went off. He asked me which of our constitutional rights were still left. I offered an non-exhaustive list including free speech, freedom of religion and (albeit dwindling) a right to privacy. I had somehow misplaced my scotch and was entirely to sober for what followed.

This is when he took his opportunity to teach me search and seizure law. That semester of criminal procedure was apparently a waste of time. He explained that warrants are no longer needed. I responded by asking him why the police still get them when conducting searches if they don't have to. This is when he got in my face and yelled "HAVE YOU READ THE PATRIOT ACT?"

Now I dislike the patriot act and pretty much everything the Bush administration has done. I'm familiar with the "sneak and peak" searches that the patriot act authorizes. I have a huge problem with this, but they still require a warrant, an albeit meaningless warrant, but a warrant nonetheless. This explanation just angered the increasingly inebriated hippy. At this point he told me I was naive and that our system of justice was horrible. While our system does have many flaws it seems far better than the systems in the rest of the world. He said he was familiar with all the other systems in the world because he was a political science major. (I knew at this point that I would be unable to match him in a battle of wits. I can hold my own against a psych major, a philosophy major, or even an English major, but never a poli sci major. Such intellect.) I asked what sort of system he would suggest we use instead, perhaps one similar to the Germans with a more active judge. My favorite part of the evening followed. His response:"Well, um that's a good question and I should have an answer for you."


Other highlights from the hippies:

1. Hearing the hippies talk about how great it was that someone went around the town spray painting all the SUV’s with “gas guzzler” and other such remarks.
2. Getting glared at for eating chicken.
3. Being told that a shiraz and syrah are made from different grapes by a person drinking wine from a box.

My first post

PD Stuff posted on May 23 that PD Intern posts would be increasing in the coming weeks. I'm a little late in the game, but here it goes. This is my first attempt at a blog. I was inspired by the interns at A Public Defender's Life in Alaska's office; Of Moose & Misdemeanors. I also owe a lot of my inspiration to Skelly at http://skellywright.blogspot.com/ and 123txpublicdefender123 (who unfortunately is not Veronica Mars) at http://injusticeanywhere.blogspot.com/. Without them I never would have made it through Torts, Property, Contracts or Civ Pro.

I'm doing Appellate level defense work for indigent clients. I've only finished one year of law school so I'm not allowed to practice even with the supervision of an attorney. The other intern at my office is qualified and may get to do oral arguments.

On the first day I was given the case of a man who was convicted of rape. The victims were two girls under the age of 14. I wrote a reply brief for that case the first week. I learned a lot about juror misconduct and sentencing while researching the case. If what he allegedly did is true the guy is a totally scumbag, but that doesn't mean he wasn't entitled to a fair trial with an impartial jury. I was very surprised with, but very appreciative of, how much responsibility I was given from the start.

Once I finished the reply brief I was given the case of a homeless man who threatened to cut a woman's face unless she had sex with him. She refused and he stabbed her in the chest missing the heart by 1/4 of an inch. Her friends drove him away after the stabbing. She refused to go to the hospital, instead asking her friends to bring her food and crack. We lost his appeal so I wrote a petition for review. I think the chances of the court accepting review of his case is slim to none. Nonetheless I was really excited to have something I created filed with the court.

I've now moved on to a motion for discretionary review with the Supreme Court. This is a case that looks like we may actually win. The trial court and court of appeals are just ass wrong on the law. Unfortunately for the client the issue he might win on is a very minor point for his case. Even if we win he's still going to spend a long time in jail.

Everyone at my office is wonderful. They are all very helpful and answer my obnoxious questions. Watching them in court has been very refreshing. Real court is nothing like moot court. No one says "I respectfully disagree your honor for the following reasons." Instead they say "No your honor and here's why." I've learned more about writing persuasively in the two weeks I've been here than in all of law school. Just reading the other attorney's briefs helps me get a better understanding of the process.

The office were I work is located in a wonderful part of town. I've see two drug deals in the past two weeks outside the office. On most days a gentleman offers "fine lady's watches" for sale on the corner. They are a steal at only $10. Yesterday the other intern saw someone shooting up in the street. The smell of marijuana is often encountered on the way to lunch.

I'm not sure what I plan to accomplish with this blog. I read all the other PD blogs so much that I felt the need to join in. At the very least it will be pleasant for me to look back upon when school starts in the fall and I am forced to learn Tax Law or Business Associations.