bus rant plus a lesson learned from a client

Simple bus etiquette establishes that sitting next to someone is only acceptable when it is the only remaining seating option. This means that smelly bicycle guy is violating the rules when he sits next to me in the front of the bus instead of walking to the back of the bus and getting a seat to himself. It does not matter that he only rides the bus for 10 minutes. I don't want to smell his BO. No one is going to steal your bike off of the rack while we are traveling at 60mph. Its not that nice of a bike anyway.

Now in the unfortunate situations where the bus is full and a seating partner is required there are additional rules that must be followed. First and foremost you may not touch the person next to you. If they are reading you may not engage them in conversation. Sleeping is acceptable. A sharp jab in the ribs is acceptable if a sleeper violates the no touching rule. If you are an old dude don't intentionally sit next to the cute college girl. That is just creepy (and takes that seat away from me.)

You may not call someone on your cellphone. Text messaging is acceptable, long phone calls are not. Calling someone to pick you up at the park and ride, acceptable. Calling to explain you are going to be late becasue the construction workers decided to close 2 lanes of the main 3 lane round into town, acceptable. Explaining to your brother how to get to the mall on the bus while your friend reads you the bus schedule, not acceptable.

When boarding the bus it is a first come, first serve situation. Violations of this rule void the other rules. If you cut in front of me to get on the bus I will sit next to you and talk loudly on my cellphone. If you cut in front of me and get the last window seat I may use you as a pillow for my nap.

If you are between the ages of 13-17 and you get on with 5 of your friends you may not speak. If you chose to violate this rule, at least have the courtesy to not discuss how much cheaper the bus fare is for you.

Technically it is a violation of the bus etiquette to engage in a conversation with more than one person. This interrupts those attempting to sleep. I confess to breaking this rule on a daily basis. In my defense I take the last bus into town so everyone on it has had ample opportunity to sleep. I also talk with an entire section of the bus. If you want to sleep move to the front of the bus.

And now for a lesson learned from a client. If the state takes away your children it is NOT a good idea to leave in the middle of the hearing for a wedding in Vegas.

The sandwich the other intern at my office lost 2 weeks ago has been found. It was located in one of the many pockets of her backpack. It was no longer fit for human consumption. Also it has come to my attention that vegetarian corndogs exist. And no, they are not just sticks dipped in batter.