Public Defender Intern - 1, Private Counsel with a coke problem - 0

Client doesn't have his license and got charged with driving with a suspended license. Conviction of that crime carries with it a mandatory revocation of your license for an additional year, UNLESS you have your license when you plead guilty and the judge signs a form telling the DMV not to do the additional year of revocation. The important thing for my story is that the law requires the person have their license renewed in order to avoid the one year additional revocation.

So my client (we'll call him License Boy) continued his case last time to get his license. Turns out he wasn't eligible for his license for awhile. He wasn't eligible until late next year so there was no way that we could continue his case for him to get it renewed. Prosecutor said offer of no jail time would go away if he didn't plea today. Told the client this and went over the plea paperwork with him. Then went to deal with the hoards of other clients I had to deal with. Today was insane. I had to push people out of the way to get in and out of the courtroom.

While I'm talking with other clients License Boy and his parents somehow start talking to a private attorney. Private attorney (we'll call him Moron) is apparently hungry for clients. He tells License Boys parents that if he takes over the case the prosecutor won't take the offer away if he continues it because he will be new counsel. He also says that he can get the judge not to order the additional license revocation even if he isn't relicensed. Now License Boy's parents are telling me that they want to hire Moron to "go to bat" for their son. I tell Moron why License Boy isn't eligible for what he is offering them, he questions my knowledge and asks what authority I have that on. I ask the two public defenders in court with me, they both agree. Moron doesn't buy it and asks me to look it up. One of the public defender is a complete bitch to him (self described) and tell him to look it up himself. Morong goes and calls someone. While Moron is on the phone I go and get a copy of the statute because I want to assure License Boy and his parents that they are doing the right thing. Moron returns as I'm showing statute to License Boy's parents and says he doesn't know my authority but he's friend says I'm right so License Boy should probably take the deal I've arranged for him. At this point the parent's start apologizing.

Story isn't over yet. I take down Moron's name and website from the business card he gave Moron's parents. When I get back to the office I tell my supervisor about it. She goes on to tell me about an interesting experience she had while doing the jail calender about 4 years ago. She shows up and the guards tell her "There is an attorney of there (points) that would like to speak with you." She looks and sees only inmates. "Where I don't see him?" she asks. "There the inmate" the guards reply. Turns out Moron got picked up for having some cocaine. First thing he tells the judge is "I'm a member of the bar and I'm addicted to cocaine and alcohol."

I then look up Moron's website. On that site Moron makes the bold claim: "I understand how the system works, and what you and I need to do before your next court appearance." He also professes to be proficient in license suspension / revocation matters. He has 18 years of experience.

So to recap. Private Attorney with 18 years of experience go his ass handed to him by Public Defender Intern with 2.5 weeks experience.

I still haven't made an actual appearance in court since my supervisor wasn't available to be in court with me today. This means my very first court appearance will be for a jury trial on Monday. If I lose I'll be devastated for a bit and if I win I will be unbearable. My head will swell so large I'll have trouble getting through doors. Voir Dire scares me, I've got the rest covered.