Petition For Review

My salary

2011-02-28T19:07:00.000-08:00

I saw a post today talking about median and average salary's for attorneys in my area. I knew my salary was low, I had no idea how low. I'm currently making 32% of the median salary and 28% of the average salary for my area. Sucks all the more since we have a pay freeze and lay offs are right around the corner. I'm honestly hitting the point were I'm ready to jump ship and join the private sector. If congress goes forward with the proposed budget cuts to LSC, we are doomed.

A common complaint among legal aid attorneys involves family law clients and their frequent phone calls. Because we are free they will call with the most mundane/obnoxious of issues. If each phone call cost them money, there is no way they would call with their questions and complaints. They no their is almost no consequence to call to deal with the "emergency" that has developed. If I were charging $150 an hour and my family law clients called with the same frequency, I'd only need 4 clients to make an excellent living. For $150 an hour I'd be happy to discuss with you what it means if your soon to be exhusband calls your child pre-school (hint it means he cares about your child) Hell for $150 an hour I'm happy to debate what it means that he has a new girlfriend (hint it means he's moved on, you should try it).

Also I'm announcing some new life rules.

1. If I get you a restraining order against your abuse spouse who harasses you and then file divorce paperwork on your behalf, you aren't allowed to reconcile. You are required to get divorced.

2. If you are on a dating website and you have kids, you must list that fact in your profile.

Lastly, good luck with your trial mellancollyeyes

Been far too long

2011-01-28T19:21:00.000-08:00

Got an email asking me to allow a comment someone made on my post about being the rebound guy. Honestly before seeing that email I'd all but forgotten about this website. (Well actually that's a lie, I remembered every time I read notforthemonosyllabic) Here's an update on my life for the 94 of you who read my blog this past year.

I'm still in legal aid and can't say that I love it. I'm in a very small office and turnover has been very high. It is very frustrating seeing everyone around you leave. I understand why they are leaving, I envy them at times even, but it still disrupts office life for quite awhile.

I never realized as an intern how much the practice of law is just slogging through mundane crap day after day. It was all new and exciting as an intern. Writing a letter to a client letting them know that you will not accept their case no longer has any appeal to me. I also miss the good old days at the PD office when I didn't have to worry if I'd chosen the right person to help, I just helped whoever was assigned to me. Lastly, to end my rant sooner rather than later, I did not foresee how much I would dislike all the paperwork required for grants. Just give me money and tell me to help people. I'll help more people that way. Having me fill out 4 forms that no one every reads does not help anyone.

Onto my dating life. It's going about as well as my career. Dated a couple people over the last year. First one wasn't very serious. Second one got way too serious too quickly. Entirely my fault. Learned a valuable lesson. I thought I could get over any demons in someones past, I was wrong.

It has taken a long time to make friends and build a support system in a new community. I still have no idea how to meet people outside of school and the internet. My office is too small and my coworkers too married for anything to happen there. My social life consists of sitting alone at a bar having a couple beers and engaging in some idle chit chat with whoever sits next to me. You'd think that I'd meet someone this way sooner or later, but instead I swear I always sit next to a businessman from out of town. One guy was pretty cool, but he lived 3 states away.

Onto the positives. I was right about being a big fish in a small pond. I'm quickly getting a lot of experience, I'm well respected in the community and local bar, and I can afford to eat at any restaurant in town. I have a 4 minute commute to work. I almost never have to work weekends.

Maybe I'll start posting on here some more. Don't hold your breathe.

E-Mail and I'm a winner

2010-01-17T20:04:00.001-08:00

I won a case. Sure it was only a social security hearing, and sure I didn't even get to ask a single question, but it was my argument that the ALJ read and I'm the one who prepared my client for the ALJ's questions. It was an awesome feeling. When I got back to the office a different client yelled at me on the phone for 15 minutes. It was not an awesome feeling.

I almost never check the email associated with this website. Mostly because no one has ever emailed me, until now. Turns out in November my blog was ranked the 106th top blog in the field of criminal law by attorney.org While I certainly don't think my blog should be ranked anywhere near that high, especially considering I'm only an honorary criminal law blogger, I'm honored nonetheless. Not that attorney.org actually provided a link to my site, or any of the other 151 sites the mentioned. I was happy to see that the #1 spot went to Gideon.

In October I was offered a free copy of a book about law school in exchange for reviewing it on my blog. If that offer is still available you'll be seeing my review soon.

Lastly I was invited join the Bob Loblaw Attorney & Law student Web Ring. You should see a link to it down below now.

Poverty

2010-01-01T16:40:00.000-08:00

In four months I've come to realize how little I actually understood what it must be like to live in poverty. I always knew that being evicted would suck, but I just thought, well they'll just have to get a new place. Somehow it never occurred to me that if one is being evicted for not paying rent, they almost surely aren't going to have enough money to put down a security deposit on a new place. I also didn't fully appreciate how awful a money judgment can be for someone. Should our clients ever get a good paying job or come into some money it doesn't really help because they owe so many people money.

I did a lot of complaining about the job market and my struggles finding a job, but it really was nothing when compared against what my clients' go through on a regular basis. For one I had food and shelter during the time I was looking for a job. I had family I could live with for free if I couldn't find a job. And any job I found, no matter how much I complain about my low public interest salary, pays far beyond what my clients could hope to make.

I got all this because of my privileged upbringing. Sure I worked hard in school and I like to think I'm pretty smart, but without my family there is no way I'd be here. No way I would have worked multiple part time jobs to put myself through school. No way I would have been able to handle raising a child while going to school. I'm not only privileged, I'm weak.

As 2010 starts I'm trying to get a better understanding of what life must be like for my clients. I've decided to see if I can go an entire month without buying anything but food and necessities (i.e. toilet paper). Should be easy, but I love to shop, have a new house to decorate and have been reading books and magazines like crazy. Now I don't think this will give me any real insight into what my clients go through (after all I'm still going to be buying fresh local food and organic products whenever possible), but it will hopefully make me think more about the things I buy and the money I spend. Maybe make me appreciate how much I have.

Let's see if I remember how to do this

2009-12-05T15:18:00.000-08:00

The whole work/life balance thing has been kind of hard for me with the long ass commute. As that is now a thing of the past I will hopefully have more time for blogging (or more likely sleeping).

This is just awesome! I remain jealous as all hell.

I have been admitted to practice law finally. I also have business cards now. I've been handing those out to anyone and everyone who looks at me. Why yes it does say "Attorney" on there ma'am. Yes that is a reference to my position.

Moving along to the bread and butter of this blog (sadly), it's time to gripe about clients.

Dear Client,

I'm sorry if I have a little trouble caring about your case when you: 1. Don't care about custody or visitation if a DNA test proves the children you've been raising for 5 years are yours. 2. Do nothing after allegations that your child was raped.

(And to clarify, yes I was judging you during our interview.)

-Petition

Dear Client,

No I don't think you are going to get Social Security. Your "condition" doesn't meet a listing. I agree that your condition is "severe" (I'm not sure how you ever managed to keep an appointment with our office) but that isn't going to fly with the ALJ.

-Petition

Dear Client,

No I don't think you are going to get Social Security. You HAVEN'T EVEN APPLIED YET. Why are you bothering an attorney? The questions aren't exactly hard, they ask for information about you, no one other than you knows it.

-Petition

I passed

2009-10-23T17:38:00.001-07:00

In all honestly I was about 99% sure I passed the exam. I refused to admit this though as etiquette seems to require saying that you think you passed the exam. I was also afraid to admit it to myself for fear of jinxing it. Seeing my name on the list of those who passed was the biggest relief ever. If I can do that I can do anything.

In other news, I bought a house. I have a house, a pension and a career. Wife and kids still missing. Current prognosis for wife, not good.

Getting used to actually lawyering. Working for 8 hours straight is not as difficult anymore as I've become accustomed to it. I have one area of law down to the point where I can answer most questions that a client might have in a typical case. In other areas I know a lot less. Being better in one area is improving my confidence though. It just takes time to learn and time is not something that legal aid lawyers have an abundance of. At least I don't have to work on Saturday's or meet billable hour requirements. Firm life just sounds awful.

I'm a horrible person

2009-09-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

Date with the internet girl went pretty well. For various reasons I don't see a lot of long term potential with her, but we'll be able to have some fun for awhile. After dating law school girls for the past 3 years I forgot what normal people are like. In some ways this is nice as non law people are much nicer. In other ways it kind of sucks as non law people can be very stupid and care about inane things. I had some people I didn't like in law school and a couple people who's intelligence I genuinely questioned, but for the most part everyone was very smart, even if we disagreed on things. In the real world not everyone is smart enough to get over the 85 percentile on the LSAT. I forgot that.

I also forgot what a privileged life I've led. Despite having dirt poor clients at both my internships and now at my job, I somehow managed to miss that. I think in all my whining and complaining about my public interest salary I somehow remained oblivious to the fact that not everyone can afford gas to drive to work, or groceries to eat for an entire week, or to pay off all their bills every month. Yeah my salary sucks when compared to my friends working at firms, but compared to those working hourly jobs, my salary is awesome. And beyond that I have health insurance so getting sick doesn't financially ruin me. And if I don't make my loan payments it's not like they are going to turn off the power to my house, repo my car, or evict me from my house.

Now for why I'm a horrible person. Part of the reason why I don't think there is much of a future is that her financial situation made her one legal problem away from becoming a client. (And after drinks with dinner, her driving was one cop away from becoming a PD's client.) I defend myself by saying that 1. This wasn't a deal breaker, this was more a part of the totality of the circumstances and 2. I deal with these problems enough on a day to day basis with my clients, I don't need my relationships to have them as well.

Awesome news, kind of

2009-09-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

My job is a fellowship that is only funded for a year. At the end of the year I will no longer have a job unless the office likes me and can secure funding to hire me. Well that was the case until things changed. An attorney has chosen to leave the office and his position has been offered to me. This is awesome because it comes with a substantial pay increase (as in over $10k a year), removing "fellow" from my title, and a better office. This is bad because the job is in the state I vowed to leave three years ago, requires a minimum of a two year commitment (which I know they can't enforce, but I'm not such a jackass that I'd screw over a non-profit), would require me to take another bar exam and spend at least another two years away from my friends and family.

I was pretty sure I'd get an offer after a year, or 6 months, but did not expect it in less than a month. My brain hurts from thinking about it all day and probably the rest of the week.

This post totally gives me identity away to my employer but I only have said good things about them so far, so I'm not that concerned and I don't think they are looking for me anyway.

In other happy news I have another date with internet girl this weekend.

I'm an idiot with women, the saga continues

2009-08-29T09:07:00.000-07:00

Went on a date last night with a girl I met online. During the date I went to send a friend a text letting him know that I thought the date was going well. Instead of sending that text to my friend I sent it to my date. She showed me. I'm pretty sure I turned red. Other stellar performances on my part during the date include spilling half my beer on the table and nearly crying after tasting the hot sauce (which of course was preceded by bragging about how I can handle really hot food).
We also went to the gay bar and watched the talent show. Shockingly the date went really well and we will go out again.

At work on Friday my boss informed me that I had an hour to prepare for an intake meeting that I would be doing. I forgot to ask some important questions, failed to introduce myself at first and had no idea what to say after about 15 minutes. I'll get there, at least I realize what mistakes I've made. I have 3 hearings scheduled for next week. So far I'm liking it almost as much as PD work. If I could cross exam cops I think it would be equal.

I've got a client

2009-08-22T03:38:00.000-07:00

I get to help an old lady get a divorce. Hooray.

Working in legal aid has made me hate Reagan and Newt Gingrich more than a did before. Instead of just getting money from LSC like back in the day, we now have to get money from a variety of different grants. So in addition to keeping track of my billing hours for each client I have to keep track of the funding source for each client.

An intern came in for one day last week. I made him shred something for me just so I could feel powerful. According to my boss he's dumber than dirt, so I can't make him do anything important.

I get the sense that I'm helping people like I did at the PD's office, but with a lot less pressure. I think this may have been the perfect way to start my legal career. I can build my trial skills in a more relaxed environment and then once I'm even more awesome in court I can move on to the high pressure PD world.

The most important news is that I get to have my name on the letterhead and get business cards. I love working in a small office.

100th post/work is awesome

2009-08-19T20:34:00.000-07:00

100 posts and most of them are rants. This one will be no different.

The clients in legal aid might be dumber than my PD clients. This might be because we have to delve a lot more into the issues I previously refused/was unable to answer. This seems likely since many of the clients have pending criminal charges.

Client's in divorce cases that are nasty are even more unpleasant than all of my PD clients. Yeah the court doesn't care that he has your "antique" curio cabinet. You make no money and allegedly have "no" assets so what do you need a cabinet with which to keep curios?

I'm pretty sure 90% of the clients have mental problems. The question on the intake form entitled "citizenship" is not a trick question, nor is it a hard question.

Everyone who works for the Social Security office is either incompetent or has given up at life. I don't blame them for giving up, their job sounds awful.

Mellancollyeyes made a comment about not being too dandy or esle I might alienate the clients. This makes sense as the most poorly dressed attorney at the office (who is self proclaimed as sloven) is probably the best with clients. I'm not sure I can help it though because I need my clothes to reflect the seriousness with which I'm devoting to a certain activity. Even as a 1L intern I wore suits to watch court. This is for two reasons: 1. while in court you will either be mistaken for a defendant or an attorney, I prefer attorney. 2. court deserves respect. So I don't care if my clients show up for court in sweatpants that say Juicy on the ass and a football jersey. I'm going to wear my pocket square and my tie bar and cufflinks. Besides, clients thinking I can't relate to their life is probably accurate. I've been spoiled all my life, I have no idea what it is like to be poor and uneducated.

From now on when I saw "lawyered" to someone it will be an accurate statement

2009-08-14T22:08:00.000-07:00

(Assuming I passed the bar)

I start work soon. I'm excited. I've got my suit prepared and an outfit selected. I really want to go with a skinny tie, tie bar and pocket square but I haven't met anyone besides my boss in the office yet and I don't want to start out with them realizing what a dandy I am. I think it's better if I slowly build up to that. I'm still going to wear a skinny tie, but I'll pair it with a plain white shirt. I'll keep the pink shirt, blue tie and blue pocket square for the day after my first paycheck. I'm striving to be the best dressed lawyer for people who make 125% or less of the federal poverty level.

Statistically I'm probably a lawyer now

2009-08-01T01:00:00.000-07:00

I feel good about most of the questions, bad about 20% of them.

I have a question for the collective wisdom of the Internet. There was a fact given in the criminal law question that I couldn't figure out the relevance of. The hypo involved Abe who was just released from jail after finishing his sentence for a felony. He goes into a bar and has an altercation with Bill. After Bill threatens to kill him (and attempts to murder him), Abe assaults him (but has a valid defense of self defense) and gets the gun (which makes him a felon in possession of a firearm). With the gun he threatens to kill Bill (assault) and forces him into a supply closet at gun point (kidnapping) where he steals his cocaine (violation of the uniformed controlled substances act) and locks the door (unlawful imprisonment). He also makes him remove his pants.

My question. What significance does the removal of his pants have? I can't figure it out. It doesn't seem to be attempted rape. I guess it is a theft, but that seems to simple. Anyone have any ideas?

half a day to go

2009-07-29T19:04:00.001-07:00

No computer problems today, just not understanding the questions problems. Bar examiners felt the need to throw us off by not including Civ Pro, giving us a confusing as hell con law question, three very strange torts questions, two hard as hell contracts questions and two terrible terrible property questions. Two crim pro questions though and a criminal law question (which hopefully I rocked otherwise maybe my inability to get a PD job is fortuitous).

Everyone who is just a temporary employee and proctoring or doing tech support for the software has been very pleasant an nice. Everyone who works for the bar association has been a total asshole and rude beyond belief. I'm sorry I was trying to leave the room, I'm just doing it because THE PROCTOR TOLD ME TO! So giving me attitude about "breaking the rule" is a little misplaced when I was follow the proctor's instructions. How about you go yell at the guy who has a larger than quart sized bag, or the guy who wore a hate into the room?

Turns out I'm the bitch

2009-07-28T17:36:00.001-07:00

Laptop decided that I wanted to handwrite some of my answers today. Otherwise I think things went really well. 1.5 days to go.

BRING IT ON BAR EXAM

2009-07-27T17:29:00.001-07:00

I'm prepared to make the bar exam my bitch. That is all.

And I thought I was nervous before my first trial

2009-07-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Bar Examiners,

Can you say anything of importance in under 400 words? I can barely introduce myself in such a short amount of space. IRAC becomes IR and maybe some A, but no room for a C. Look I understand you don't want to read a lot of crap, but I don't want to write a lot of crap. The time limit is a more than effective means of preventing me from writing too much. Giving me a character limit just frustrates my ability to spot all of the issues and say anything intelligent about them. I realize judges will impose page limits on me in the real world, but judges won't give me 45 minutes and NO NOTES with which to prepare my pleadings.

Is figuring out whether I can learn a bare minimum about twenty some subjects of the law for a couple days really a good way of determining whether I will be a good lawyer? Because I haven't learned the law, I've learned what to say when I encounter certain subjects so I can pass. I don't really have any understanding of what a negotiable instrument is. I just know that if I see a check I should put down the requirements of an NI and then try and figure out if someone is a holder in due course. Or secured transactions, I know to talk about a purchase money security interests or when something attaches, not sure why, just know I need to do it. (For Secured Transactions the lecture said, here is what you need to know to get the minimum score to pass and then move on to easier subjects, he didn't even try and pretend like we could learn it well enough for the bar exam.)

Sincerely,

Petition

Currently I'm supposed to be reviewing criminal procedure. I'm skipping this review (two classes in law school, plus two internships applying criminal procedure leaves me over confident). Instead I'm going to focus on corporations because that subject makes no sense to me.

The final piece of advice from my bar review schedule is to get to bed by 9:30 p.m. He goes on to say "If you feel restless and cannot sleep soundly, this is normal and caused by nervousness, but you should still stay in bed and relax as best you can all night long." That is some thorough exam prep.

New rules of the universe

2009-07-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

#1: After you indorse a check you are now required to deposit it at your bank or cash it, none of this transfer crap that makes me figure out whether it is now a bearer paper and if any of the indorsers are liable. No. Actually you know what no one is allowed to use negotiable instruments any more. Use cash so I don't have to figure all this crap out. (Also note to the UCC: it is now spelled endorse, like on the back of my check where it says ENDORSE here.)

#2: Once you get married you get half your partners crap whether its a gift, inheritance, purchased with money your spouse had before you got married, I don't care. Don't like that rule? Don't get married. Also no more denying marriage to same-sex couples, that is just stupid.

#3: No more LLCs, LPs, LLPs, or General Partnerships. There will be a vote and society gets to choose one. I don't care which one you chose, but chose one and that is all.

#4: No more adverse possession or easements by prescription. Land NOT YOURS!

#5: There shall be no more than two forms of any one crime. In no world does there need to be 10 different forms of homicide. Punish people differently sure, but there doesn't need to be Murder 1, Murder 2, Manslaughter 1, Manslaughter 2, Vehicular Homicide, and Controlled substances homicide.

#6: Microsoft Word shall be required to understand legal phrases. No Word I do not mean "joined" I mean "JOINDER" just like I typed 10 times. JOINDER. And seriously word "mens rea" confuses you, even non lawyers know that one. (Although word gets a pass on indorse because that is a stupid way of spelling it.)

#7: A contract shall be abbreviated as C, not K. K makes no sense as the letter "K" does not appear in the word contract. Π and Δ won't be used anymore as well. Instead P shall be used for plaintiff and D shall be used for defendant.

#8: A § key shall be added to all keyboards so I don't have to press alt and two other keys to type it. (Go ahead and remove ^ ` and | to make space)

Thank you, and now back to studying.

Self study is turning me into a hermit

2009-06-28T04:06:00.000-07:00

I'm in a kind of weird situation. I'm studying for the bar exam at home while all my friends are taking a class to study for it. I can't take the class because I'm taking a different state's bar exam. Why not go back to my state to take the bar exam you ask? Good question. You see I couldn't find a job in my preferred state and managed to find a job in the state of my law school. By that point though it was far too late to change bar exams and I still don't want to practice in this state for long. Fortunately this state has a special rule allowing me to practice for a short period of time as long as I've passed any bar exam. So I'm studying for Awesome State's bar exam so I can practice in Sucky State for a little while.

Because of this I'm by myself most of the time. As a result my sleep schedule is a nightmare. It is currently 6 in the morning and I have not yet gone to bed. At this point I will probably stay awake as long as possible and then take a short nap and try and get back on a more normal schedule. It isn't like it matters though I don't need to leave the house. On Wednesday and Thursday I went 36 hours without even going outside. Today I will leave the house because I need groceries.

I haven't noticed any advantage to my studies on subjects I took in law school (except evidence, but I learned that from mock trial and practicing). I'm happy about this since I chose my law school classes based on professors first and subject matter second. I took every single criminal law class offered at my school (not that big of an accomplishment sadly) and nearly a full semester of practical classes (15 credits a semester, total I did 7 credits of trial ad, and 7 credits of clinic).

Evidence is my bitch

2009-06-24T13:33:00.001-07:00

Seriously I sent an email to the guy who does my lectures correcting a mistake in his evidence outline. His sample answer had a mistake as well. Admission by party opponent and prior witness statements are not exceptions to the hearsay rule. They are NOT hearsay. There is a difference between saying the Prior Witness Statement is admissible as an exception to the hearsay rule and the Prior Witness Statement is admissible because it is not hearsay. The difference? The first one is wrong.

If the bar exam was Civil Procedure, Criminal Procedure, Con Law Trial Ad and Evidence I would pass with flying colors. Through in Torts and Family Law and I'd do pretty well. It's when you get to Contracts, Property, Admin Law, Agency/Partnerships, Sales, etc that I run into trouble.

Studying for the bar

2009-05-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

I can see how 1L year taught me how to think differently to prepare me for the practice of law. 2L and 3L years seem to have been a detriment to my studying for the bar.

I also don't understand why Torts had to be a semester long class. I learned nothing in that class. The three hour lecture on Torts from my bar review taught me more than 90 hours of class. Wow law school is a giant scam.

I looked at the new income based repayment programs. I'm not going to have to pay shit. My income is that small. Just have to stick with it for 10 years, which shouldn't be a problem, assuming the job market sucks slightly less next year.

I guess I have to leave the PD blogroll now

2009-05-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

I have to leave the PD blogroll because no PDs would have me. Instead I am employed doing civil work. I'm like a civil public defender so we can all still be friends right? It's not you, it's me. We'll still talk. When it comes down to it, we are going to have very similar clients.

I'm done (positive edition)

2009-05-20T13:46:00.000-07:00

The graduation ceremony was good. Speakers were boring as hell but short. Got hooded by one of my favorite professors which was nice.

In the last semester I did a jury trial in federal court, won a very prestigious award from the school for all my work in advocacy, got to fly to a very nice vacation city to compete in a moot court competition, visited two different clients in two different prisons, appeared in the news paper, saw my mock trial team do very well in their competition, was honored at our class dinner and managed to keep my GPA up high enough to graduate with honors.

Even though I complained about law school constantly I actually enjoyed my last year. I haven't had to make too many difficult good byes yet since people are sticking around to study for the bar, but their are people I am actually going to miss.

I'm done

2009-05-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

Can't find a job to save my life. I even sold out and applied to firms. I was excited when I finally got a rejection letter, at least the firm took the time to read my name and address. Some of the best employment news I've had. PD office I worked at last summer laid off six people already this year. County below that just laid off 25% of their office. County below that is laying people off. My dream of being a PD straight out of law school is dead. Even if there were any openings anywhere, which there are not, I don't stand a chance against these lawyers who just got laid off and have years of experience over me.

Interviewed for a position with the law school for a year. A, we need to pad our employment statistics because the economy sucks so much, type of position. I was actually really excited about it. Found out the day before graduation that I didn't get that. Who does that? In what world is it a good idea to tell someone bad news the day before they graduate? In what possible universe is that a good idea? My level of anger over this is probably far beyond what it should be, but I needed this. And even if I didn't need it you don't ruin someones graduation.

Our graduation regalia which cost a ridiculous amount of money to rent is ugly as hell. The colors just don't look good on anyone. It was nice going to the table labeled "Doctor" to pick up my cap, gown and hood though. Please address me as Dr. Petition F. Review from now on thank you very much. Yeah I'm that pretentious.

This is turning into a rant so I'm just going to go with it. My ex-girlfriend is being a bitch. She told my friends something I told her in confidence. She then got mad when I had the gall to be upset with the fact that she told them. She's going to be a crappy lawyer. Another one of my exes went out of her way to show me her engagement ring. She came over just to do that. What am I supposed to do? Congratulate you for marrying a total douche? You two deserve each other, he's a douche obsessed with controlling women, you are a gold digging whore, match made in heaven.

This is the first time I've not been in school of some sort. It hasn't really sunk in yet.

Repaying my loans is going to be a nightmare and I can't use the loan repayment program at my law school for at least a year since the applications were due in April. Not a lot of apps this year I'm guessing since no one is employed and those who are employed sure as shit aren't employed in public interest work. THERE IS NO PUBLIC INTEREST WORK.

Ok I'm going to calm down and then maybe later I'll do a happy post where I brag about everything that has gone well this semester.

Wow that was an insane semester

2008-12-31T14:11:00.000-08:00

Quick recap on what has happened in the last semester.

Coaching an Mock Trial team made up entirely of undergraduates has been the most rewarding experience in my 2.5 years of law school. I've learned a lot from teaching them and based on my teams performances they've learned a lot as well.

A close second for most rewarding law school experience is my clinic. So far I've done two depositions, have two more scheduled. I had 140 billed hours last semester working on clinic (only needed 90). Decided that wasn't enough and signed up for another client this semester. Only my original client will go to trial. This means I won't be able to intern at the local PD office, but I think this more than makes up for it since I would just be doing paperwork at the PD office.

Wrote an appellate brief for a case that was just garbage. In so doing I seem to have impressed the professor as he agreed to do an independent study class with me so I can get a good case next semester.

My flight home for the break got cancelled because of weather. Missed my own birthday party as a result. Spent Christmas on a plane. It wasn't my worst birthday ever (I was sick for my birthday once) but it wasn't awesome. It definitely was the worst Christmas ever. So many screaming children on the plane. Every person working on Christmas seems to be disgruntled (and I can't really blame them for that).

Grades haven't come out yet so I don't know how I did this semester. I think it will be a middle of the road semester, but I'm slightly worried it will be bad. My GPA is the last thing I'm worried about as far as the job hunt is concerned though. My biggest concern is finding somewhere that is actually hiring. So far my best news is: "PD office B might be hiring by the time you graduate and pass the bar."

Bought a new suit. It was the combination of my birthday and Christmas presents. I've driven in cars that cost less than this suit. It is currently being tailored, once that is done I will probably wear it daily for a week.

Clinic Rant

2008-11-21T19:41:00.000-08:00

A series of letters:

Dear Opposing Counsel,

It's great you want to depose my client again. Really I have nothing better to do with my time than drive 2 hours to the prison, deal with security, and then sit there while you ask questions. Really nothing better to do. Also no worries that you scheduled it during my Thanksgiving Break. I didn't want to see my family anyway.

Petition

Dear Opposing Counsel,

Remember how my client is in prison? Yeah turns out if you want to depose someone in prison you HAVE TO TELL THE PRISON IN ADVANCE. You can thank me later for calling to confirm everything was good to go with YOUR deposition.

Petition

Dear Opposing Counsel,

That's great that you were able to reschedule the deposition. It's very convenient to try and get plane tickets less than a week before the break. Plane tickets don't get insanely expensive if you wait a long time to purchase them. You are lucky I found some otherwise I was going to join you and your family for Thanksgiving dinner. Also thank you for changing the date to the middle of finals. Nothing helps studying like long drives and intrusive prison security.

Sincerely,

Petition

I'm still alive

2008-11-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

Holy shit I overcommitted myself this semester. So insanely busy with clinic and moot court and being a TA that I don't have time to blog. I enjoy most of my clinic work, but I'm constantly busy. I don't have class Monday or Tuesday yet I'm in the law building everyday all day.

PD Office where I worked this summer is laying 3 to 4 attorneys off. The job market as a 3L right now is terrifying. Just pretending that I don't need a job and everything will be ok.

I went to 7 years of school so I could live with parents. sigh, beats digging ditches.

Jury Duty

2008-09-25T23:12:00.000-07:00

This week I have had jury duty. Monday and Tuesday involved sitting in a room and reading for awhile then being sent home. Then on Wednesday I was actually sent to the courtroom. As we entered the courtroom my number was called and I was juror number 9 in the box. I don't like voir dire as an attorney and I don't like voir dire as a juror.

I have one piece of advice for the prosecutor who voir dired me: ask more questions. The following is a near transcript of the voir dire.

Prosecutor: I see you are a student, what are you studying?
Petition: Law
Prosecutor: What year are you?
Petition: 3rd

Prosecutor then sat down and accepted the panel. Defense attorney got up to do her part.

Defense attorney: Do you have an idea what you are going to do after law school?
Petition: I don't have a job offer yet, but I know what I want to do.
Defense: What is that?
Petition: Public Defense

The prosecutor visible reacted to that answer. Needless to say I made the jury.

I was very disappointed when we had a directed verdict. I really wanted to see deliberations. Mr. Prosecutor seemed to forget that drugs are required to prove a possession of drugs case. He couldn't find them. Moot point really since he also failed to prove possession. I did a quick poll of the jurors to find out how they were leaning. They were all leaning not guilty but for a different reason. They didn't find the possession issue that I concerned myself with interesting. They keyed in on the minor inconsistencies in the officers testimony.

I thought 3L was supposed to be easy

2008-09-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

Two clinics and trial ad at the same time may have been a bad idea. Oh and TAing an undergrad class doesn't help any either.

Lessons learned

1. Federal Prisons are not easy to work with. Getting a straight answer about when a client will be available is like pulling teeth.

2. When a judge appoints you to represent someone he doesn't think the case has merit. I am appointed to legitimize my clients loss. This way the client will be angry with me and not the court.

3. GTA 3: Vice City is an excellent to relieve stress.

4. Holy shit undergrads are young. To my undergrads, if you invite me out to the bar with you, that's cool I'd love to come. Don't tell me you are 19 though. I'd rather not know that I'm contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Why I love North Dakota and hate Wisconsin

2008-08-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

North Dakota has no traffic, a high speed limit, well maintained roads and no cops (not that you would want to speed if you want good gas mileage). It is by far the better of the Dakotas. South Dakota on the other hand has a lower speed limit, terrible roads, and signs for Wall Drug every couple of miles.

Wisconsin is now my least favorite state to drive in. The speed limit is low (65), the cops are everywhere (and accept credit cards in their cruisers) and the roads are littered with trash. During my recent drive through Wisconsin a trucker decided that he wanted to be in my lane at the same time as me so he ran me into the shoulder. Thanks to all the shit on the road this involuntary trip to the shoulder resulted in one of my tires exploding. A nice three inch crack so there was no hope of patching it. The nice trucker didn't bother to stop, nor was I able to get his license plate. It's ok though because I didn't need the two hours of my life it took to get a new tire, nor did I have any need for the $150 it cost. At least it was a nearly brand new tire with 70,000 mile left on the warranty. What is most important is that I'm not bitter about it at all.

I'm back at school now and kind of depressed. In two years nothing has changed. Seeing the ex is nice and awkward. At least we have half of our classes together.

PDs know how to party

2008-08-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

People at the office organized a goodbye party for me last night. The parts that I remember were awesome. I drank so much beer, did some shots and hit on a coworker. She's really pretty and my supervisor and another attorney told me to. Then others starting betting on whether I would succeed. I drank way to much to even have a chance.

Learned a bunch of office gossip about who is dating and who just broke up. In that respect the office is no different than law school.

At some point I went through and thought of all the crimes I saw this summer that I've also committed. I'm pretty sure at some point I've committed and defended the following: DUI, Reckless Driving, Negligent Driving, Possession of Marijuana, Possession of Drug Paraphernalia, Criminal Trespass, Assault, Exhibiting a Dangerous Weapon, Minor in Possession of Alcohol, Disorderly Conduct. Crimes I have never committed, but defended: Violation of a no contact order, Malicious Mischief, Obstruction, Resisting Arrest, Driving While Licensed Suspended, Hit and Run, and Reckless Endangerment.

Next Summer I'll be a real lawyer

2008-08-08T15:23:00.000-07:00

Plead out one of my first clients today. A good way to end, full circle. I argued a motion to suppress all the evidence in his case yesterday. Lost, as expected, but the hearing went better than I thought.

Next summer, assuming there is a job opening, I pretty sure they will hire me. They all but told me they would. I'm going to miss it. Regular readers prepare for the complaining about law school posts to begin again. Last time ever though.

Oh god I have to go back to school

2008-08-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

I'm comforted by the fact that I will never utter the phrase "time to go back to school" again. I'm not comforted by the fact that I have to go back to school. People at the office are throwing a little shindig for me on my last day. I intend to behave responsibly and drink in moderation. yeah right. Well I am going to be responsible, I'm not going to drive, but moderation will not be the term used to describe the amount of alcohol I consume.

I got kicked out of my office today. My office was actually the office of an attorney out on maternity leave. She didn't buy my adverse possession argument for why the office was no longer hers. Something about consent making it not adverse. It was open an notorious that's for sure. How the hell am I supposed to know property law?

I'm halfway through Kafka Comes to America by Stephen Wax. Fantastic book so far. I love the reference to Kafka. For anyone who hasn't read Kafka's Before the Law (an excerpt from the Trial), please stop reading my site and go read that. It's short and awesome. And don't ask me what it means because I don't know either.

Kafka Comes to America makes me want to be a federal public defender some day so I can defend people in Gitmo. Though I hope by the time I'm qualified to be a federal public defender we are no longer keeping people in Gitmo.

Today I felt like a real attorney

2008-07-31T18:10:00.000-07:00

Went to a new court today to help out some PD's from the office I hadn't worked with before. Something about being in a new courthouse and just hitting the ground running made me realize how much I've learned the past couple of months.

I'm constantly astounded by how little many of my clients care about their cases. They show up late for court, blow off interviews, don't take required classes or get into treatment. I've had people get a couple days of jail when they could have had the case dismissed if they would have just taken an alcohol and drug class. The clients are just lazy and unconcerned about how their actions will affect their cases. Today I had probably my favorite example of an unconcerned defendant who is just going to do as he pleases.

One attorney decided to leave court to finish some work at the office and left with me his files (which was fine with me as it gave me something to do in the afternoon). He left me with the case of Mr. Defendant. Mr. Defendant was a new case and all I needed was a continuance, very simple, something I could have handled my first week. His case gets called, I walk up and say "Petition F. Review for Mr. Defendant" look to my right where Mr. Defendant is supposed to be and see nothing. I look back into the gallery and see no one moving.

At this point I tell the court that I haven't spoken with Mr. Defendant, another attorney did, and I will go check to see if he stepped into the hallway. The court moves on to other cases. No one responds in the hallway, no one is in the restroom. I run outside and see the attorney who gave me the file starting to drive away. I get a hold of him and ask whether he actually spoke with Mr. Defendant, or just assumed he was there. He spoke with him, so at one point Mr. Defendant had been present.

I walk back into the court house, check the hall again and then go back to the court room. As I walk back into the court room a couple people sitting in the back start gesturing to me. They are pointing to the front corner to a young man who is sound asleep in his chair. After some light shaking (and some brief concern on my part that he was drunk and passed out) a very tired Mr. Defendant wakes up.

In the other courtroom the female judge went out of her way to take cases handled by male attorneys first. Weird for a female judge to be sexist, but it seemed to help me and my client. She was damn near swooning for my client and gave him a far better sentence than was recommended by the State. The client was of course a complete jackass. God forbid a judge give a worthy client a break.

Trying not to think about it or my head may explode

2008-07-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

I now owe the federal government the equivalent of one years starting salary at the PD office I want to work at. In some ways this terrifies me because that's a lot of money and with that salary it will take me a long time to pay it off. On the other hand it reassures me because PD salaries aren't that high, so my loans can't be all that bad as compared to other people. I have friends who owe one years salary at a firm job, so I'm doing all right.

I put in my two weeks notice today. Not because I want to leave, but because I have to. Really hoping I can avoid crying this time. I love the job a lot more than last years internship, but I haven't really bonded as much with the other interns. Part of that is because I have an office to myself and I'm not stuck in the same room as another intern for 8 hours a day. The other part is that the interns just aren't as cool as Senior Intern from last year. She's currently studying to pass the California bar and then will start work at a PD office near the Bay area.

Haha (points and laughs)

2008-07-24T17:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Prosecutor,

So sorry you lost that motion and my case was dismissed. Here is why:
1. The very clear case law on point that I cited said I should win. The end.

In the future do you think you could just dismiss these?

thanks,

Petition

I lost my latest trial

2008-07-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

but I looked good doing it. I think they must teach the prosecutors in my state to wear pocket squares for trial because the one I encounter fairly often almost always wears one. I happen to love pocket squares so I wore one for my last trial. One nice thing I will say about prosecutors, for the most part the dress better than defense attorneys. Defense attorneys wear the absolute worst clothes. Grey plaid pants + white jacket + cream shirt + green tie = Awful outfit. Not ok for court. Seriously look in a mirror. I don't care how good of an attorney you are, you shouldn't be allowed to look that awful in court. I don't care that your client has paint stains and holes in his pants, he's indigent.

Book Reviews

2008-07-17T11:29:00.000-07:00

Awhile ago I read "Defending the Damned" and was a little disappointed in it. It was just ok to me. The author kept calling redirect recross and I would have liked to hear about more than just the murder unit. Also I'm not a huge fan of the court system in Chicago (since it's so corrupt).

Many people suggested I read "Indefensible" by David Feige. While I'm not a huge fan of New York either, I thought this was a much much better book. It helped that it was written by an actual public defender. You can tell Mr. Feige cares about the job and the people he represents and wants others to understand. I liked his candid admissions when he did something wrong. It is so scary that defendants get one shot and there entire lives can be ruined because the luck of the draw gave them an attorney who for one reason or another screwed something up. If you haven't read it, I recommend it. You can buy it from Mr. Feige's website.

After "Indefensible" I picked up a copy of "Gideon's Trumped" by Anthony Lewis at a used book store. This is an old book (from 1964) but it tells the story of Clarance Earl Gideon and his case created my future career. It is so weird reading the book and realizing Miranda hadn't been decided yet. Criminal procedure sucked a lot before the 1960s. It astonishes me that less than 60 years ago people were forced to represent themselves in felony cases. I've had two years of law school and I was barely able to handle a simple misdemeanor case. Before law school I'm not sure I would have been able to fight a traffic ticket intelligently. I was glad to learn that once he finally got his new trial Gideon was acquitted.

PS

2008-07-16T00:37:00.000-07:00

5. I'm sorry again about the confusion with your last court date. Things worked out in the end though, your case still got dismissed. Please keep your shit together so we don't see you again. You are to smart to pull that kind of stupid shit.

Letters

2008-07-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

I realize this will come as no surprise to any of the real PDs who read this, but I didn't realize that prosecutors didn't know the law. I didn't realize that part of my job was teaching them the law.

Dear Prosecutor,

Why am I asking you to dismiss this case? Well let's consider this case that is directly on point that says the stop is bad. With no probable cause for the stop all the evidence after the stop becomes fruit of the poisonous tree and must be excluded. This stop was based entirely on X. My case says that stops based on X lack probable cause. Thus this stop lacked probable cause. All of the evidence in this case is a result of a search incident to arrest. A search incident to arrest is not valid if the initial stop lacked probable cause.

Sincerely,
Petition

Dear Prosecutor,

Thank you for responding by telling me that I've read the case incorrectly by citing to an older case not on point. In the future I won't be helpful and I won't summarize the case for you. In the future I will just copy and paste the direct quotes that say I'm right and you're wrong. In the future I will treat you like a child. Additionally here is a direct quote from my case directly on point showing you that I'm right.

Sincerely,
Petition

Dear Prosecutor,

No I will not agree to a continuance for you to respond to my motion. I shouldn't have to write this motion, you should be dismissing the case.

Sincerely,
Petition

Dear Clients,

1. Thank you for missing your appointment. I didn't need to meet with you to prepare a defense for your case. I'm such an amazing intern and my supervisor is such an amazing attorney that we are able to prepare defenses without knowing your side of the case. Also it's nice that you didn't show up because I didn't want to wear a t-shirt and jeans, but instead wanted to wear something a little more professional in this heat. I enjoy sweating.

2. Thank you for not returning my numerous calls. Negotiating with the prosecutor has been very easy not knowing if you have completed the numerous things discussed. Oh you weren't going to do that until you heard from me whether the prosecutor would give us a deal? And you were going to learn this from me how? So I was supposed to lie to the prosecutor and tell him you'd done X and if he agreed to the deal you would then actually do X? Ok well allow me to be the first to welcome you to the real world. In the real world things don't work like that. Sorry to have to be the one to tell you that.

3. You are crazy and for the first time I was uncomfortable being alone in my office with a client. I don't believe you, you need medication and lots and lots of counseling. I'm not that torn up over the fact that you might lose your kid because I'm not sure you should be around children. Also I am not your divorce attorney.

4. Why must you insist on taking the crappy plea when I think there is a good trial issue? You are held on other far more serious charges anyway so its not like you would be getting out of jail anytime soon. You wouldn't even have to testify. You just sit there and act pretty while I conduct a trial. The worst that happens is almost identical to the crappy plea offer. Shit more jail time really means is that the judge can revoke less of it when you violate the terms of probation.

Sincerely,
Petition

NOT GUILTY

2008-07-07T22:59:00.001-07:00

on the one and only charge. I only second chaired this one, but I'm claiming total victory. I argued the motions in liminie, motions that were made entirely from taking other attorneys motions and placing the defendant's name into them. The judge felt the need to chastise me for them and insult my evidence professor for not teaching me evidence correctly. What sucked is that the judge was right the motion was wrong and misunderstood the rules of evidence. But I did as this job has taught me, stood there and took it, thanked the judge and moved on. I got to object a lot more at this trial than in my last trial.

I left the following as a comment to my previous post, but I feel the need to post it here to better clarify what actually happened in my previous case. I really need to edit this thing a little better.

I didn't wink wink or nudge nudge. Nor did I advise him to lie. I can see how my post kind of came across like that. To clarify I only asked him if his story was in fact more like the story in the police report. When I said "if you were X" I was referring to what was said in the police report, I didn't suggest a wild new story that came out of nowhere. I wanted to make sure he wasn't lying to me to make me think he was innocent so I explained that even if things were like they read in the police report we could still mount an effective defense.

I didn't advise him to lie. I informed him that he didn't need to tell me a better story than the one contained in the police report. I really think he thought that his story needed to be about complete innocence. My questions to him were to explain that even if what he said didn't paint him as 100% angel we could still mount a defense.

NOT GUILTY

2008-06-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

of one charge, guilty of the other. So I'm claiming a victory. A very sweet victory considering that the defendant blatantly lied on the stand, told a bullshit story (which amounted to "the cop is lying"), constantly wrote me notes during trial says "That a lie" "He's a liar" ect. large enough that I'm pretty sure the jury could see, visible reacted to the police officers testimony constantly and was just a general pain the ass. He got sentenced to the amount of time he has already served and the mandatory minimum fine. He's going to appeal, he's going to lose and the court is going to impose costs on him.

My voir dire was pretty bad, my opening was ok, my cross of the police officer was pretty good, my direct sucked (not my fault my client was a moron) and I think my closing was pretty solid. I learned that I'm not very good at voir dire, cross comes naturally to me and jurors who give me the evil eye during closing worry me. Yeah I'm talking about your juror #3 I should have used a peremptory on you.

If only he would have accepted my subtle hints at how his testimony should be. Hey you thickheaded moron when I say "if you were X then I could argue Y", that is your cue to change your story to X. Don't continue to give me Z, I know Z is bullshit, so if you insist on giving me bullshit please give me the bullshit that I can work with. The last story you tell me is the story I will believe. There is a reason we go over the elements of the crime and the possible defenses before we ask for your version of events. Wink wink nudge nudge.

I can't get over how shocked the defendant was when the guilty verdict was read. His entire defense to the charge was that the cop was lying. I told him, my supervisor told him and another attorney told him that it was an uphill battle and that his chances were not good.

To recap, first trial and I can claim victory. I never really thought I had a realistic chance with the first charge and I'm happy I won the second charge. Next time Not Guilty on all charges. Next time a defendant who isn't a complete tool.

Today was rough, tomorrow looks better

2008-06-26T22:49:00.000-07:00

I screwed up and didn't do something I was supposed to. Not a big deal, and no one told me I had to do it, I just probably should have known. Didn't hurt anything and other circumstances ended up making my mistake moot.

Judge was an asshole extraordinaire today (and not because of my mistake, he didn't even know about my mistake). He's racist, unfair and rude. Although he sure speeds through the pleas so we can get out of there much faster than the other judge. I prefer nice and reasonable to quick though. So happy my trial next week is in front of the nice judge.

I'm very frustrated with my pain in the ass clients taking so much of my time. I can't help you dude, there are no issues for trial in your case. Sure we can still go to trial but its a bad bad idea. Stop calling me your trial isn't until August, let me work on the person who might have trial next week. She has important issues that should win at trial. I haven't spoken with her in weeks because she doesn't call and I'm too busy dealing useless clients bullshit.

My next trial does not have nearly as good of issues as my first attempted trial. Frankly the client should have plead to the first offer. Unfortunately he has chosen to exercise his right to a trial with a jury of peers. A jury of his peers that is going to convict the hell out of him. That is the last negative thing I'm going to say. All of tomorrow I'm going to be positive and psych myself up for winning. That's right you heard it hear first Petition is going to win his first trial.

I'm so sick and tired of ironing shirts for work. I hate dry cleaning (and I'm cheap, oh so very cheap) so I launder my shirts on my own. Plus I'm good at ironing. When it was a less frequent thing and wearing nice shirts was just for pleasure I found ironing relaxing and a nice break from the hectic pace of law school. Now ironing is just a chore that has to be done everyday.

Dear Clients,

2008-06-22T23:58:00.001-07:00

1. Yes I know it was a cap gun and couldn't actually kill someone, but the guy you pointed it at did not know this. So when you pulled the trigger three times and sparks shot out the end he became apprehensive of immediate bodily harm. Be happy they are charging you with a misdemeanor and not a felony, take the plea before they realize their mistake and change the offer. Also I realize that the cop didn't see you run him off the road with your car, but he did and it looks as though he intends to testify. No it doesn't matter that they don't have any other witnesses. Yes he counts a witness. Because he saw you run him off the road. I'm sorry the state isn't charing him, it might have something to do with the fact that YOU ran him off the road.

2. It's great that you find the cute attorney attractive, you and everyone else. Guess where you lie on her list of people she would like to sleep with: very bottom. She's seen your file, she knows that you've been stalking your ex-wife, and she doesn't find your voice mails or drawings to be charming. Creepy is the word she would use to describe them. So I'm sorry that I'm not nearly as cute as her, but guess what that's why I'm helping you now.

3. Yes I'm very sorry that the protective order your wife got against you was invalid. I realize your wife is a no good cheating bitch that lied to the judge. Yes I realize that she slept with your best friend. She sounds like an awful person. Two quick things: First, protection order is still valid until a judge terminates it, so I don't care if she lied to get it. A judge signed it and you knew about, we have no defense. Second, if she's such an awful person WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CONTACT HER?

4. Thank you for inventing that wonderfully convoluted story proving your innocence that I was duty bound to investigate despite not really believing. The countless phone calls, the subpoenas and the faxes to check on your story were an excellent way for me to spend my time. I look forward to you explaining your way out of the web of lies you have created. And just so you know, once you do come clean I'm not writing a motion for you. Take the plea or go to trial, those are your options.

5. I'm so sorry that I wasn't clear in my voicemail that just the court date for your motion got cancelled and not your actual pretrial date. Fortunately we convinced the judge not to issue a warrant. All my fault. No harm came of it, but I still feel bad.

6. Yes I know that you are innocent and I know that the four cops, the witness, the doctors, the nurses and the radio dispatch people are lying. Vast conspiracy against you. I also remember everything clearly after 3 rum and cokes and a couple beers. It's nice that we have that in common.

7. Why yes I do think your plea for 0 days in jail and a $250 fine is a good offer. No I do not think I can convince the prosecutor to do better. Yes you can go to trial and yes you will lose and yes the judge will give you jail time.

8. Seriously you need to think about this offer? I negotiated your DUI down to a fucking traffic infraction and you need to think about it? I did explain that it is no longer a criminal conviction right?

Sincerely,

Petition

I have my own office now

2008-06-18T00:19:00.001-07:00

I have a mini fridge and two huge windows, view kind of sucks (roof of the building next door) but at least I'm not stuck in the library anymore.

I'm going to second chair next week. Going to do the cross and opening probably. I had interviews today and did some research. Also did a sentence review and asked for a continuance in another case. Pretty sure the client was lying to me about why he wanted the continuance. Was very happy when the judge just granted it and didn't ask why I was requesting it.

I've learned to lower clients expectations so when I get what I expect from the prosecutor they are happier. I don't lie to the clients I just tell them what the prosecutor is going to offer, not what I think he will agree to in negotiations. If you tell them realistically what you can get they want better. If you tell them what the prosecutor will offer and then you get better they are happy with you. It's all about Lowered Expectations.

I have a dirty secret I've been keeping from the blog. I can't keep it inside anymore so here it is: I love techno and shitty dance music. I mean I like absolute trash. Current favorite song "Just Dance" by Lady GaGa, I also love Bomfunk MC's "Hypnotic", pretty much anything by Scooter or Gigi D'Agostino and so much more crap that I don't have time to list it.

If dating were a contest

2008-06-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

I would be an 8 time loser. It's been so long since I dated someone that I really liked a lot that I had forgotten how much breaking up can hurt. The past two break ups were pretty much painless affairs. I feel absolutely awful after this one. It's kind of selfish but right now all I want is for her not to hate me for ending things. It just wasn't working and had to be done. We had a pretty good time up until the actaully break up conversation. The drive to and from the airport was hard.

I had my first client last week who actually claimed innocence. My supervisor wasn't feeling well so she left me to do her remaining interviews. I prepared to explain the plea offer to the client as they are usually guilty and the plea offer is usually a pretty good deal. I was also prepared to explain what I would ask the prosecutor for in negotiations. Instead I had to listen to a fairly convoluted story of identity theft and stolen purses that led to the wrong person being charged for the crime. She had some documentation to back her claims and I believe but remain skeptical. (If that makes any sense). Going to do some investigating and see what happens.

Got yelled at by a racist judge last week in court. Was not pleasant at all. I hate that justice is so different depending upon which judge a client is assigned.

My blog turns 1 today

2008-06-13T09:04:00.001-07:00

And to celebrate I'm not going to work.

I would have been awesome

2008-06-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

My voir dire was great, my opening was solid, my crosses were perfect, my direct was simple and easy to follow, my closing was fantastic and the world will never get to see them.

The cop was unavailable due to some bullshit reason and the case got dismissed with prejudice. Good for the client, awful for me.

I was essentially useless the rest of the day. I was running on nothing but adrenaline (although I actually slept better than I thought) so when my trial got dismissed I crashed. Threw me into a bit of a funk for the rest of the day. I was really happy for my client, who won't lose his CDL now (not that he would have lost it after I earned him a not guilty verdict, but I digress) and devastated at the same time when I heard the judge say "dismissed pause with prejudice". The state moved to continue obviously but this case was continued last time because the same officer wasn't available. The judge didn't seem too pleased with the state's weak as reason. I really think the prosecutor had another look at the facts of this case and realized what a loser it was for him but didn't want to dismiss it this late in the game. I think this was a way for him to save face and get rid of the case.

The really sucky thing is that the witness that wasn't available was not important to the state's case at all. Probably would have brought that up if it wouldn't have hurt my clients chances of getting the dismissal. This whole advocating for my clients best interests to my detriment kind of sucks. So far doing what is best for my client has cost me an awesome motion and a trial.

Oh dear god why did I agree to this?

2008-06-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

I can't think of anything I'd rather do less than a trial tomorrow. What the hell was I thinking? If I throw up during voir dire can I get a mistrial? What about during my opening? Passing out during closing?

As an undergrad doing mock trial we would sing a song before trials to calm down. The song was one our coach wrote when he was an undergrad, it went something like this:
"I like swiss cheese, I like swiss cheese I like it, I like it"
"He likes swiss cheese, he likes swiss cheese, he likes it, he likes it."

I'd also do cross examinations of really bad pop songs:

So, if I want to be your lover, I have to get with your friend?
Make it last forever?
Friendship, it never ends?
You'll tell me what you want?
What you really really want?
You want a zig-a-zig ahh?
Taking is to easy, but that's the way it is?

Or:
You're going to get me drunk?
Get me love drunk off your humps?
Your hump, your humps, your humps?
Your lovely lady lumps?
Check 'em out?

Somehow I don't think my supervisor will go for that tomorrow. I should probably choose a more recent song:
Touch your body?
Put you on the floor?
Wrestle you around?
Play with your some more?
If I tell anyone about our secret rendezvous, you will hunt me down?

Public Defender Intern - 1, Private Counsel with a coke problem - 0

2008-06-07T00:47:00.000-07:00

Client doesn't have his license and got charged with driving with a suspended license. Conviction of that crime carries with it a mandatory revocation of your license for an additional year, UNLESS you have your license when you plead guilty and the judge signs a form telling the DMV not to do the additional year of revocation. The important thing for my story is that the law requires the person have their license renewed in order to avoid the one year additional revocation.

So my client (we'll call him License Boy) continued his case last time to get his license. Turns out he wasn't eligible for his license for awhile. He wasn't eligible until late next year so there was no way that we could continue his case for him to get it renewed. Prosecutor said offer of no jail time would go away if he didn't plea today. Told the client this and went over the plea paperwork with him. Then went to deal with the hoards of other clients I had to deal with. Today was insane. I had to push people out of the way to get in and out of the courtroom.

While I'm talking with other clients License Boy and his parents somehow start talking to a private attorney. Private attorney (we'll call him Moron) is apparently hungry for clients. He tells License Boys parents that if he takes over the case the prosecutor won't take the offer away if he continues it because he will be new counsel. He also says that he can get the judge not to order the additional license revocation even if he isn't relicensed. Now License Boy's parents are telling me that they want to hire Moron to "go to bat" for their son. I tell Moron why License Boy isn't eligible for what he is offering them, he questions my knowledge and asks what authority I have that on. I ask the two public defenders in court with me, they both agree. Moron doesn't buy it and asks me to look it up. One of the public defender is a complete bitch to him (self described) and tell him to look it up himself. Morong goes and calls someone. While Moron is on the phone I go and get a copy of the statute because I want to assure License Boy and his parents that they are doing the right thing. Moron returns as I'm showing statute to License Boy's parents and says he doesn't know my authority but he's friend says I'm right so License Boy should probably take the deal I've arranged for him. At this point the parent's start apologizing.

Story isn't over yet. I take down Moron's name and website from the business card he gave Moron's parents. When I get back to the office I tell my supervisor about it. She goes on to tell me about an interesting experience she had while doing the jail calender about 4 years ago. She shows up and the guards tell her "There is an attorney of there (points) that would like to speak with you." She looks and sees only inmates. "Where I don't see him?" she asks. "There the inmate" the guards reply. Turns out Moron got picked up for having some cocaine. First thing he tells the judge is "I'm a member of the bar and I'm addicted to cocaine and alcohol."

I then look up Moron's website. On that site Moron makes the bold claim: "I understand how the system works, and what you and I need to do before your next court appearance." He also professes to be proficient in license suspension / revocation matters. He has 18 years of experience.

So to recap. Private Attorney with 18 years of experience go his ass handed to him by Public Defender Intern with 2.5 weeks experience.

I still haven't made an actual appearance in court since my supervisor wasn't available to be in court with me today. This means my very first court appearance will be for a jury trial on Monday. If I lose I'll be devastated for a bit and if I win I will be unbearable. My head will swell so large I'll have trouble getting through doors. Voir Dire scares me, I've got the rest covered.

Tragedy

2008-06-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

A complete miscarriage of justice occurred today: Mr. Crackdealer lost his appeal. The unfortunate thing is I think this guy might have had a chance if he hadn't obviously made up his testimony while on the stand. Hell if he could have just made up a more believable story he might have had a chance. I've lost all the petitions for review (guess I should have chosen a different name), and my appeal. The only thing remaining is my termination of parental rights with the mother of the year who left mid trial for a trip to Vegas. So essentially all of last year I did nothing that actually helped anyone and yet I still loved it.

It's weird being the 2L intern in the office this year. I liked having another intern above me to sound questions off of before going to a real attorney. Helped make me look smart when I talked to the attorneys. Now the other intern asks me questions and expects me to know things just because I'm a 2L and have done some of this shit before. Way too much pressure. The other intern goes to a school with a mandatory 2.6-2.7 curve. I also realized that with my current GPA (despite all my bitching about it sucky) actually qualifies me to graduate cum laude. If I don't slack off as much as last semester again (didn't even start my papers until finals week) I think I'll be able to maintain.

I have a case and I really want to write a motion on to get it dismissed because the cop didn't have probable cause to pull my client over. It's a good motion and other attorneys I've spoken with say it has a 70-80% chance of succeeding. The client's record is so bad and she's been in custody for so long that she just doesn't care and wants to take the plea, get credit for time served and go on with her life. I can't fault her decision, but I really wanted to argue her motion. Damn my ethical duty to put the clients interests first. She was so happy when I went to talk with her in the jail and told her she's only facing 35 days in jail and more convictions. I never thought in my life that I would make someone happy by letting them know they will get 35 days in jail.

I got an email asking me how much to sell text links on the site for ink cartridges. It's spam, but I replied anyway. If you start seeing text adds for ink cartridges then you will know two things: 1. it wasn't spam and 2. I'm making $500 a day.

Oh and I think they must teach brown shoes and black suits in prosecutor school because I've seen it on two different prosecutors. At least I haven't seen a fake pocket square so far.

I have a trial next week

2008-06-04T19:44:00.001-07:00

3 weeks in and I've been given my first jury trial. So far I've made jury instructions, outlined my motions in liminie and started writing my opening. Tomorrow I'm going to finish my motions and opening, interview my client, prepare direct and cross and then learn how to do voir dire.

I continue loving this job.

God I love this job

2008-05-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

And so far I'm good at it. Got a lot more free reign today. Was pretrial day so I was explaining a lot of plea paperwork to clients. The attorneys pretty much just threw the files at me and I found the clients and explained the offer. To get around my not being an attorney I introduce myself by saying "Hi I'm Petition and I work with Supervisor at the PD Office." That way they just assume I'm an attorney.

Dealt with one client today who when the attorney was talking to him he just kept crying. When I talked to him he was calm, collected and very polite. He asked me if I was his new lawyer now. After I explained that I was not he wished me good luck with my final year of law school. He cried when the judge got to sentencing. No jail time though so I guess his blubbering worked.

I'm astounded by the number of people who don't show up for their court dates, and the number of people who can show up to a 8:30 court calender reeking of booze.

Two clients shook my hand and thanked me after they were sentenced today. That was pretty cool. Starting next week I get to appear in court. I have a pretrial case for next Friday I intend to confirm for trial.

My one complaint

2008-05-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

Actually I have lots of complaints (no pay, no office, 40 mile commute, no pay, court at 8:30AM, no pay), but the one I wish to focus on is the excellent working relationship my office has with the prosecutors. Everyone is pleasant and friendly. The prosecutors seem reasonable for the most part and don't do all the dickish things I read about on other blogs. Dammit part of the PD experience is supposed to be dealing with asshole prosecutors. At this point I think I have to start apologizing for some of the awful things I thought about them before starting.

My latest client had a really bad day. Was driving his car home from the club after having a couple of beers when some jackass in a rental car ran a red light and t-boned him. State Patrol shows up and gives my poor client who's car is now totalled a DUI. What a sucky sucky day.

I was supposed to sit through a bunch of client interviews today. I sat through one and it was interesting and I learned a bit about how to conduct an interview. The remaining clients couldn't be bothered to show up for the interviews. Now I understand why clients will walk up thinking I'm their attorney at court, they never bothered to actually meet their real attorney beforehand. I think I dislike the clients more than the prosecutors so far. Thank god for the poor ensure guy who more than makes up for all the other asshole clients.

I actually did something today

2008-05-23T21:42:00.001-07:00

Today I went over plea paperwork with clients. Asked their age and wrote that in, asked how far they had gone in school (most were college graduates) and wrote that in. Then I explained the elements of the crime. Then I explained the rights they were waiving. I often make the claim that I learn nothing in law school. Today forced me to acknowledge that I have actually learned something when I found myself explaining the waiver of rights for memory (thank you Crim Pro II) and not looking at the form. Once that was done I explained the maximum penalty and the offer (usually suspended sentence and a couple hundred dollar fine, with conditions of probation including no similar violations, no refusal of a breath or blood test, etc). Then I asked if they had any questions. One guy unfortunately took me up on my offer to answer his questions and must have been disappointed when I had no idea. Fortunately for me the interpreter working with me at the time knew the answer and told him for me. It wasn't my fault that I didn't know, his question had to do with how he got his bail money back. They definitely don't teach that in law school.

The pretrial calender was insane today. Court started at 8:30, so I was there at 8:15 and I didn't get to leave the courtroom until 1:45. I can't remember that last time I was so hungry. A granola bar and coke is no longer going to cut it as breakfast.

Next week I get my first five cases and in June my provisional license will arrive so I'll actually be able to do something with my cases.

I guess I must have a look that says "I know what's going on" because at two private attorneys asked me questions about the docket today. I can understand the clients thinking "oh look a dude in a suit, he must be a lawyer, I'll ask him what's going on" but other attorneys should know better. I really thought I was conveying a look of terror at the beginning. Most of my thoughts were "please don't ask any questions, please don't ask any questions, please don't ask any questions" originally I didn't want questions out of fear that I couldn't answer them. Towards the end of the day I didn't want questions still, but because I wanted to get the freaking show on the road and get some food. It really wasn't our clients slowing up the courtroom today, it was the god damned pro se clients who should have gone and gotten evaluated but were too freaking lazy to take the elevator 2 floors down to get a free freaking attorney. One of them didn't even learn her lesson since the judge just appointed my supervisor to advise her right then and there.

My first client was pleading and the state offered him a suspended sentence and fine, leaving no jail time to serve and $300 to pay. The judge gave him no jail time and $200 to pay. I told my supervisor is was due to the excellent job I did explaining the form to him. She mumbled some bullshit about the "judge always does that." Whatever, we all know it was all me.

My other clients were less exciting. The DUI client who told the cop he smoked crack after being pulled over wasn't that nice. The client who was bitching about having to be at work and wanting his case to go first was also an asshole. If you don't want to be late for work, try not drinking and driving, just a suggestion, otherwise shut up an wait your turn patiently like everyone else. The homeless client that was starving in the woods and stole some Ensure from WalMart was really, really nice when I helped him understand his waiver of jury trial form. He stole like $6 worth of Ensure and now WalMart is sending him a form demanding $200 in exchange for not suing. Just another reason to hate WalMart.

I continue loving this externship and can't wait to start doing shit on my own.

First impressions

2008-05-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

Work is awesome. Being at work at 8AM sucks. Say a mistrial on my first day. Was tons of fun. The prosecutor was pissed. Day 2 was just training, boring but required. My work last year doing appeals has helped me a lot in knowing the issues and some of the state law. Mock trial as an undergrad has helped me know a lot of the rules for running a trial. Voir Dire was new to me and a little confusing. The thought of doing it myself is a little scary. Tomorrow I get to go see the courtroom I will be working in and possibly see some of the cases I will be assigned. To start I will be given 15 or so cases. The goal is that one of them will go to trial. My provisional license hasn't shown up yet so I still can't do anything. Once I do one jury trial under supervision I can do trials on my own, without my supervisor even in the building. I didn't realize I would be trusted so much.

I've learned very quickly that life as a PD is kind of hectic. Every fifteen minutes or so my training is interrupted by another attorney stopping by with a question for my supervisor. Part of that is that she is the supervisor for all the misdemeanor attorneys and there are a lot of new misdemeanor attorneys.

Learned a lot about DUI cases and driving without a license cases. Learned about plea offers and what to expect from the prosecutors. Fortunately my office has a good working relationship with most of the prosecutors. A couple of them a real douche bags, but for the most part they seem nice. One of the attorneys is even dating a prosecutor.

I usually look for any excuse to wear a suit. Suiting up is awesome. I knew that this summer the requirement that I suit up fairly often would cause wearing a suit to lose its novelty. I didn't realize that it would only take one day for it to lose its novelty. My biggest problem is that my dress shoes are cheap pieces of crap and dig into the back of my heels. I put bandaids on the back of my heals to prevent this problem (and just bought some moleskin to see if that works better) but they can slip and fall off during the course of the day.

It has only been two days but I already know that I've chosen the correct career path. Enough pressure and excitement to keep my interested, but not the insane crazy cutthroat pressure you get at firms (or so I'm told). Everyone in the office smiles a lot and has been very friendly.

I'm back

2008-05-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

I start work tomorrow. Not doing anything tomorrow, just watching a trial. I did a practice drive to work today just to see how long the commute would be. I'm working at an office that is located North of the major metropolitan area closest to my parents house. This means in the morning all the traffic is southbound, while I am going northbound. It took me 20 minutes to get to work (20 miles) and nearly an hour to return home. I'm so glad that my normal return commute will not be that bad. Going against the flow of traffic rules. I'm mostly just excited to not be riding the bus anymore.

I've probably spent more time picking out my suit, shirt and tie combo than anyone should. I'm going plain white Polo Ralph Lauren shirt, with a DKNY tie and a cheap ass J. Ferrar suit from JC Penney with Stacey Adams shoes with a buckle on the side. That $110 suit has lasted me 3 years so far. I'm amazed it hasn't fallen apart. It doesn't fit exceptionally well, but its better than my Haggar suit from when I was fatter. For Thursday I will probably break out the blue suit with purple pin stripes, or my grey suit with tan pin stripes. Decided against cufflinks and a pocket square on the first day. Going to slowly build up so I don't set the bar too high in the beginning. Might even through in a tie bar as a final coups de grace.

I got an interview working for the a couple hours a week maintaining the brief bank for the state Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers. I could use the 15-30 bucks a week. I got a grant for my internship and if I work the entire summer, 40 hours a week I will make $9.30 an hour. Every time I leave work early I get a pay raise.

Had some car trouble on the drive home. Middle of nowhere America at midnight my headlights stop working. Scared the piss out of me. Turned on my four way flashers and my headlights started flashing as well. Finally turned the car off and back on the the lights started working. Fortunately I was only a mile from a town with a hotel. Got to spend the night at world's finest Super 8. Took the car into the shop today to have it looked at (needed a couple other things done as well). $52 got me "We can't recreate the problem and everything looks fine. We can replace the light control stick for $340 plus labor." I declined. Time to make sure my AAA membership is up to date. Probably should put a flashlight in the car as well.

The drive took 2.5 days, including one 16 hour day when I drove 991 miles (average of 61 mph and I wasn't speeding). I don't want to even think about how much I spent on gas.

The last month of school was pretty brutal. I had a take home final in a class that I paid passing attention in at best. It wasn't taught by lawyers so some of the questions were difficult to answer. For example: "Which of the following was true of State v. Perry? (no citation given)" I don't know, which of the more than 3000 State v. Perry's returned by Lexis do you mean? I had some paper classes for the first time as well. I of course did no work on the papers during the semester. I was done with finals on Thursday and didn't finish my last paper until Thursday after finals had officially ended. Not optimistic about those grades (or any of my grades for this semester).

Things have gone really well with the latest girlfriend. I thought the whole divorced thing would be more of an issue. Hasn't really been a problem. I'm more worried about the long distance for the next 3 months. Long distance relationships suck. She comes to visit in less than a month though so that should help.

Viva Las Vegas

2008-04-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

Any of my fellow bloggers going to this: http://www.publicdefenderretreat.com/index.html?

Rebound again

2008-04-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

So I'm the rebound guy again, but this time the girl actually likes me and I actually like her. This to me means that it is going to end disastrously. The fact that she isn't just getting over a break up, but a divorce doesn't give me hope either. Entering into the relationship I thought it would be nice an casual and short. Thinks got really serious very quickly though. I'm cautiously optimistic about it though because she's a really nice girl.

I'm sure this is going to increase the number of visitors I get who search for "rebound guy." That is my second most common source of visitors from google, after those searching for "I hate law school."

I've been planning my class schedule for next year. I'm hoping that next semester I can do Trial Ad, a clinic of some kind, moot court and then only one legitimate class. It would be the best schedule ever. Three of my classes would be teaching me actual skills I may one day use as an attorney. Such a novel concept, law school teaching actual skills.

I finally came across the relatively knew PD blog preaching to the choir. Some quality ranting going on there. Only 2 months before I will get to do my own PD ranting again. So excited.

dating post with a little law talk

2008-03-14T19:01:00.000-07:00

So after the last complete pile of trash that I dated I've been essentially off the market. This is a combination of choice and lack of supply. I went on a date with Internet girl and then she moved far away eight days later. It was a proof of concept thing for me. Internet dating is not as bad as I thought it would be. Unfortunately she was the only person on the website I'm using that seemed worthwhile. Surprisingly she was much better looking in person than her pictures led me to believe.

I've taken a liken to a fellow 2L since then. Friends confirm that she is in fact sane, nice and good looking. Now because she is a nice worthwhile girl I will completely and totally screw up any chances I might have with her. I really am trying to remain optimistic but if I get too optimistic I'm just setting myself up for a big let down. It is a precarious balancing test and now I'm thinking about it way too much. I'm a disaster with women.

My client from over the summer would have had oral arguments today if his real attorney hadn't waived. I was hoping he would have oral arguments so when his conviction is affirmed I could blame it on the attorney's poor oral advocacy and not my brief. Now if/when his conviction is affirmed I have to blame it on his actually being guilty or the court's utter disregard for the law.

I started caclulating how much it will cost for me to drive home this summer if gas prices stay the same. Currently looking at around $350 if I get decent gas mileage. I've purchased plane tickets for less. Plus I have to get a hotel at least once, probably twice.

And now for my exciting Friday night plans: Laundry.

Law school is boring, thus I have nothing to write about

2008-02-13T17:57:00.000-08:00

It has been more than a month since I last wrote anything. I have very little to add that I haven't said before. I still dislike law school. Mostly now I'm just bored. I really should have followed through with my plan to try and intern with the PD office. But I so enjoy having a three day weekend that I stand by the decision.

A prosecutor came and spoke in one of my classes awhile ago. He was nice until the end when he felt the need to remind everyone that he represented the "People of the Great State of ________." It made me think of Saucy Vixon's post http://saucyvixen.blogspot.com/2008/01/why-i-do-what-i-do.html and Audacity's comment to her post, where she said "I also represent the people, one person at a time."

I've decided that preying on the 1Ls is no longer worth my while. I have now descended to the hell that is internet dating. One girl seems interesting, we've sent messages back and forth a little bit, we'll see if anything comes of it. I'm not holding out much hope.

Job shadow

2008-01-10T23:33:00.000-08:00

I went to shadow a PD this week. I was to watch a trial. I woke up at 7AM for the first time in a month, put on my suit and rolled the minivan out to middle of nowhere courthouse. Watched some pleas (which was fairly interesting) and then the defendant showed up. The jail people screwed up and hadn't dressed him in civilian clothes. The defendant was a larger man so he needed his own clothes. Because of this his case was continued. I got to watch all of an hour of court.

The pleas were interesting. I remember from one of my crim pro classes that in order to accept a guilty plea there has to be a factual basis for the plea. Our professor never really explained where this factual basis came from. The judge I watched would read the elements of the crime to the defendant, ask the defendant if he understood all the rights he was waiving and if he remembered signing the plea agreement. After doing that she would take a minute to review the police report and inevitable say "I find the police report contains facts sufficient to support the plea."

I got an email from one of the attorneys I worked with over the summer. The appeal I wrote for her is going up for a motion on the merits on March 14th. Not looking good for my client. In the email she said "I suspect you will have the jurors eating out of your hand." That inflated my ego a little bit.

I continue improving

2008-01-04T17:25:00.000-08:00

Grades came out awhile ago. I had one class where I did the reading beforehand everyday, created an outline, studied with my group extensively, took numerous practice exams and got my lowest grade. I had another class that I showed up for only because attendance was taken. I did not do the reading, I will be able to sell that book as "Like New" on half.com. I didn't even pay attention during class. Two days before I took some practice exams. I did better in that class than I did in the class I actually tried at (although it was my second lowest grade). At least for the first time ever the final I walked out of thinking "I kicked that tests ass" was my highest grade. Overall I did well in two classes and not as well as I would have liked, but well enough in the other two.

Hooray

2008-01-03T23:18:00.000-08:00

Obama won Iowa.

Went back to visit the office where I interned today for lunch. Found out that the baby seagulls in the nest on the roof across the street "disappeared" one night. I think they spared me the gory details. I might go back on Wednesday to watch oral arguments. A prisoner sent a letter to my organization asking me to call his attorney to yell at him. That attorney was one of the attorneys I worked with over the summer. He has oral arguments for that prisoner on Wednesday.

Meet with Senior Intern at the office. She gave me a copy of "The Nine" by Jeffrey Toobin. I read a couple pages of it earlier and like it so far. Thank you Senior Intern. I'd read more of it but I want to watch Leno and Conan without writers again.

Leno surprised me with his ability to write jokes. I thought it was a complete hack. Turns out he is just mostly a hack. Conan was a bit disappointing. I wish the networks would just give the writers what they want. It seems fair to me.

Boston Legal

2007-12-29T01:38:00.000-08:00

I watched Season One of Boston Legal in its entirety today. An absurd show, that I found absolutely hilarious. I only hope that I can use my internship with the PD office as a springboard to becoming the next Denny Crane. Denny Crane.

Season One ended with an episode about the death penalty. Now most of my audience gets to blog about ethical concerns that come up with real clients. I get to blog about ethical concerns that come up from watching TV shows like Boston Legal. Lame, but deal with it. Anyway that episode really pissed me off. I realize most of Boston Legal is just absurd satire on firm life, but this episode was slightly different. I would not be surprised for a second if the facts of the death penalty case from the show were taken from real life. It was a Texas case where an African American man with an IQ of 80 was accused of murdering a gas station clerk. DNA evidence placed someone else at the scene. The defendant confessed after 16 hours of interrogation and had no memory of actually committing the murder. His trial attorney gave no opening statement and failed to cross almost all of the prosecution witnesses and failed to investigate important leads. He also admitted to being on cocaine. The court couldn't care less. That pisses me off.

I don't know why I wanted to write about this episode. I've always been against the death penalty. Death penalty cases always piss me off. I don't know why an episode of Boston Legal pissed me off so much. Maybe because it was after a 12 hours marathon of television (which I realize is a luxury I will not have much longer) but that episode moved me more than John Grisham's book "The Innocent Man" or anything else I've read. It pissed me off more than the movie "The Life of David Gale." It struck a cord with me for some reason.

God I hate the death penalty.

Life is good

2007-12-24T05:11:00.000-08:00

Today I ate pizza for dinner and forth meal (thank you taco bell). It is 5:12AM and I have not yet gone to bed. I am really enjoying having no responsibilities. I'm sure the backlash will begin soon and boredom will set in, but right now after the stress and drama of law school a simple life of watching TV and eating lots of pizza while consuming adult beverages is perfect. I wish I had an XBOX 360 or a Wii.

On Thursday I'm going to do interviews for a documentary a friend is making. The camera will be on the subject and I'll be the voice you hear from off screen asking the questions. I really think it will be a good line on the resume and will allow me to break into the acting world. Good bye public defense, hello Hollywood. I might even get to run the camera a bit so I can put actor/director on my resume. Yeah things are looking up for me.

In two weeks I will meet up with Super/Senior Intern and go visit the office where I interned. I'm excited. I've missed everyone at the office and Senior Intern a lot. A couple days after that I'm going to shadow someone at the office where I will be next summer. I predict that next semester there will be a lot of posts of me whining about how awesome the job shadow was and how badly I want to be in court doing what I saw. I know its going to happen and I apologize in advance.

Show the Rodneys some love:

Heading home

2007-12-16T00:45:00.000-08:00

I don't feel the sick, scared distraught in my stomach that I felt after finals as a 1L. I know now that how I think I did on a test means essentially nothing. I'm not going to worry about it at all during the break. Short of a family member or close friend dying nothing is going to ruin the next 28 days. A full lunar month of freedom.

I partied too much to take part in my normal post finals routine of staring at the ceiling for an hour or so. Your mind is unable to do anything but zone out. There is nothing to distract your thoughts from just wondering. It usually ends with me falling asleep and taking a little nap.

Finals shouldn't suck this much

2007-12-12T19:46:00.001-08:00

I'm a 2L. Finals are supposed to be less scary. I'm more scared this semester than I was last year. I think not caring all semester might have something to do with my increased feelings of woe. I've studied about the same amount but I felt like I was playing catch up for a lot of it. I console myself by remembering that the curve is easier this year and everyone else cares even less.

I may require a liver transplant once I am done.

Talked to my PD office a couple days ago. During the Holiday break I'm going to going observe for a day. I'm excited for 2 reasons. 1. I get to meet future coworkers and see the type of work I will be doing and 2. I get to suit up. I got a new french cuff shirt with a spread collar. I'm going to wear an awesome pair of cufflinks and tie an obnoxiously big Windsor knot. I'll probably wear my faux-Gucci shoes as well. Long story sort I'm gonna look good.

I also recently discovered that my blog is the number 1 google result for the search "fake pocket square." Not really my target audience, but awesome nonetheless.

Things are weird

2007-12-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

I know I'm being used. I know there is no emotional attachment. I know that this girl is nuts. She hears, "I can't believe you are dating him" and thinks, wow people think Petition is really lucky for dating me. That same person then says to me, "Petition, what the fuck are you doing?"

I've had numerous people approach me and let me know that I should be wary. People looking out for me to make sure I'm aware of the fact that I'm being used. I feel good since I know I have friends who care enough about me to make sure I don't make such poor decisions obliviously.

I am going back to Super City for the Holiday Break. I will be gone for roughly 25 days. I think after 3 days, if that long, this girl will find someone new. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already picked her new puppy and is just waiting for me to become boring/unavailable.

I'm not sure what I am

2007-12-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

I think I was a little hasty in declaring myself a rebound guy. I think more accurately I should be termed a mistake. I think to appease her guilt she wants to date for awhile so it isn't just an awkward slept together situation, but a "we dated and it didn't work out" situation. She says she likes me but I get the impression in talking with her that she doesn't really know me. I also get the impression that she isn't interested in someone who's career goals involve a job with a starting salary only $7,000 more than my tuition.

I'm investing as little of my self into this emotionally as possible right now. If it weren't finals week I would be far more serious about things and see how serious things are. As it is I don't want to get attached at all because I don't want any difficulty with my studies should things go south.

I think things are going to get weird really quickly. I just don't care. During finals week food has no calories, actions have no consequences and drinking is acceptable any day of the week.

I'm the rebound guy

2007-12-01T18:35:00.000-08:00

I have a history of dating crazy girls. When I say crazy I mean bat shit, should be heavily medicated or living in a home, crazy. The first 1L I dated was a close second to the craziest girl I ever dated. I stayed with her because once I'm in a relationship I don't want to leave. Sure it may suck but at least I have someone. This usually means that the relationship goes on entirely too long and ends disastrously.

I also have a history of girls using me as a girlfriend. This essentially means I get to become one of the girls and hear all about all the guys they want to sleep with or all the problems they have with their boyfriends. Sometimes we even cuddle, but no kissing, no sex, just frustration and information that men are not supposed to know.

I think this is the result of my coming off as gay to a lot of girls when they first meet me. I'm so nonthreatening and I don't make a move.

Yesterday an interesting, and not seen before, phenomenon of being a "girlfriend" occurred. One of the girls just got out of a bad relationship and "needed" a rebound guy. She apparently didn't want to look far and I didn't put up much of a fight.

Now I know the healthy thing for me to do now is run for my life. Am I going to? No. I'm going to stick it out because of some very stupid reasons. 1. She's hot, like the hottest girl I've had. 2. Actually I can't think of another reason. Did I mention she's really hot.

I swear I'm not a pig. I just make poor decisions sometimes. (For any employers reading this, I make poor decisions regarding romantic relationships on occasion, my decisions on the professional level I assure you are always well reasoned and logical.)

So moral of the story is that most of the time I don't just want to be friends but I fail to make a move for so long that I fall hopelessly into the just friends pit of doom.

Why isn't the summer here yet?

2007-11-30T13:09:00.000-08:00

Getting the internship offer may have been a bad thing for my GPA. I already barely give half a shit about law school. Most of my classes are not relevant to either my interests or my future job prospects. I learned after first semester that my exam grade has nothing to do with my actual understanding of the material but everything to do with identifying issues and regurgitating rules. If I didn't have a study group I don't think I would have done anything for my finals yet. I study only because my group expects things from me.

I'm happy I managed to land a PD internship. Gives this blog a continuing source of legitimacy.

So far this is what I know about my internship. I will be assigned to a specific court room with an attorney supervisor. I will most likely be assigned to the misdemeanor court room. They will try and give me a case that will go to trial.

I WILL GET TO TRY MY OWN CASE.

I realize for most of my readers that is fairly common experience. For me it is the most terrifying prospect on earth, and yet I am dying to experience it. I know I will be absolutely terrified in court. I also know that I will get such an adrenaline rush that will remind me of my reason for living. When I did mock trial as an undergrad each trial was better than any drug (not that I have any real drug use experience, but its better than pain killers, marijuana and alcohol). I imagine a real trial will be ten times better than mock trial.

I found out that I don't actually compete in moor court again until Spring of 2009. This hopefully means that my last semester I will get to do Trial Advocacy, Moot Court Nationals, a Clinic and one other class. That sounds like a good way to end.

Interview apparently went really well

2007-11-27T23:23:00.001-08:00

Got, and accepted, an offer at my first choice PD office yesterday. Also found out that I've advanced in moot court. Having a really good day.

Interview went well

2007-11-26T15:29:00.001-08:00

I had my first interview last week. I think it went well. Both the people who interviewed me were really nice and I really liked the office. I was impressed with the receiptionists who remained calm despite phones that never stopped ringing. I will write more about the interview once I hear back from the office.

Spent some quality time with my family last week and did next to nothing law school related. Probably not good for my GPA but definately good for my sanity. Visited friends from undergrad. Drank cheap beer with them and tried to pick up girls for my friend on a Tuesday night (didn't work out so well.) Watched my undergrad team defeat our rivals in football (it was a miracle). Played with my cats. Suited up just for the fun of it. Ate a bunch of food. And lastly froze to death waiting in line on Black Friday.

A victory (kind of)

2007-11-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

I worked on 6 different cases over the summer. Today the court issued an opinion on one of those cases. On the substantive issues the court was pretty much ass wrong. The real attorney is moving for reconsideration.

One of the issues was the Prosecutor failed to follow a mandatory rule. My contribution to the brief was a section where I asked the court to direct the Prosecutor to show cause as to why sanctions should not be imposed for their failure to comply with the rule. Of all the arguments made in the brief this was the only one the court bought. The court said:

[W]e refer this matter to the court's commissioner with instructions that the [ ] County Prosecutor be directed to show cause why sanctions should not be imposed for failure to timely comply with [the mandatory rule].

It isn't as though the Prosecutor was just a couple days late or anything. When I wrote the brief the Prosecutor was 14 months late.

Now I feel like the work I did over the summer wasn't just worthless busy work. I actually did something kind of useful. Sure I didn't actually help a defendant, but sanctioning a prosecutor is still pretty good, right?

Google Analytics remains awesome

2007-11-10T05:08:00.000-08:00

Five firms have visited my site now. I did some more fooling around and discovered that I could find out what terms the law firms visiting my site used to find my site.

Firm #1 found my site searching for: "funny law school blogs 2l"
Firm #2 found my site searching for: "groin pick"
Three other firms found my site searching for: "petition for review"

This scares me

2007-11-07T21:52:00.000-08:00

Skelly has a post about an anti-death penalty attorney hanging herself. Feeling Pain Until the Bitter End

The post made me think about how I am going to deal with depression once I am a real attorney. I think most law students can make it through their Crim Pro classes because the Defendant isn't real to them. (Hell for most of them he's just a Δ. I think I cope in a similar manner. Over the summer I did appeals so I never had to even speak with my clients. When working with prisoners I only have to answer letters. If I don't like an issue I can just chuck the letter in the trash can and pick up another.

The idea of being assigned to real people with real issues and losing in my attempts to help them is depressing for me. I've suffered with depression in the past fairly seriously. I see a counselor at least once a month now just to keep my life in order (thankfully I got off the anti-depressants, worst medication ever). My life has been simple and easy and I've become depressed. A little part of me is worried that struggling to help people and failing will just ruin me. The rest of me is more convinced that not struggling to help people, but getting a firm job and making rich people richer would make me even more depressed.

In unrelated news the first years are absolutely losing it. Complaints such as, "Oh my god I'm so behind on my outlines for Criminal Procedure or Con Law" or "I have to read 4 million pages, outline for 3 classes and walk the dog by tomorrow" permeate the halls. I really hope I wasn't this obnoxious last year.

Google Analytics is awesome

2007-10-27T14:21:00.000-07:00

Google Analytics shows a lot of interesting things. It shows me that most of my traffic comes from PD Stuff and that I get really weird search engine results ("the difference between metrosexual and homosexual").

I realized recently that it will show Network locations. I was bored so I took at look at that section. I now know that at least 4 people have looked at my blog from their law firm computers. Two of the law firms do criminal defense work and one of them is from the city I want to work in. The other two firms are IP firms.

I said I wouldn't do this

2007-10-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

... but I gotta tell someone. I am a disaster with women. I was horrible in high school and bad in college. I was assured by my father and others that law school would make me so much more attractive to the ladies. "Hey, check out my earning potential." I was skeptical but more than willing to be proven wrong.

I was not wrong. I remain a failure despite my new "earning potential."

I've dated in law school but each time after a week I've known that it wasn't going to last. I'm ok with being single in law school. I just worry sometimes that if I don't find someone in law school I will be pathetic and alone the rest of my life. I have no idea how to meet people outside of school.

I can't do the whole bar scene. What kind of story would that be for my kids? Yeah I met your mom at a bar one night. I much prefer my parents story of "You dad asked me for the answer to a question on our history test." Cheating in history class, a match made in heaven.

I can't cheat in law school, so I how am I supposed to meet anyone?

Woohoo

2007-10-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

One day after my minor freak out and I have an interview. This is an interview with my top choice office. Very happy right now.

Getting a PD internship shouldn't be this difficult

2007-10-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

Both of my roommates have job offers now. Most of the people I know have job offers now. I haven't heard anything. I can't even get the offices I applied to to answer the phone. I'm finally having a minor freak out about my lack of job prospects for next summer.

I think I need to expand my geographical limitations and just accept the fact that I'm going to have to find a crappy apartment somewhere for the summer. Living at home for free would be nice, but not living with my parents again would also be nice.

I think my cover letter is solid. Both the career services people and one of the attorneys I worked with over the summer took a look at it. My resume is chock full of activities that show my interest in helping the less fortunate in our legal system. According to career services I should have my GPA on my resume. I don't put my GPA on it because I was told by one of the attorneys I worked with that it isn't needed. Either way my GPA is better than bad but less than awesome. My writing samples are both on both came from briefs I wrote over the summer.

I called the offices to inquire as to whether that had received my application and ask when I should expect to hear back and got voicemail.

I think I must be doing something wrong. Anyone have any suggestions or see anything that I've mentioned that just seems wrong?

I don't want to turn this into a law school blog

2007-10-07T23:18:00.001-07:00

I've been reading a lot of law school blogs and have learned a couple things that make me think I don't have what it takes to be a law school bloggers. Here is a short list detailing why I wouldn't make it in the law school blogosphere.

1. I have no real interest in detailing my romantic life. Nor do I have any interests in posting the graphic details about my sex life.
2. I'm not sure how many posts I can make about hating gunners. I hate gunners, what more needs to be said?
3. I have no interest in big firm interviews. It seems every 2L blogger has to talk about how Big Firm X is offering $2400 a week, but s/he really liked the partner at Big Firm Y that only offers $2300 a week. Oh your life is so hard.
4. Blogging about class and what happens in it makes it very easy for people to figure out who you are. I've already found 2 classmates "anonymous" blogs.
5. Most of the "funny" things that occur in class are only funny because of the context. Almost anything will seems funny after a 90 minute contracts class. Lawyers and law students are just not funny. Think about it have you ever heard of a lawyer turned comedian? Doesn't happen because we are boring people with lame stories.
6. Lastly I have no interest it letting you all know how busy I am. I'm sorry if you are really busy because of moot court, law review, interviews, class, your 4 clubs and a hectic drinking schedule. Maybe you shouldn't have over extended yourself so much. I'm so sorry someone held a gun to your head and made you sign up for all those activities. Whats that? you signed up of your own free will? Well I guess that just shows you have poor decision making skills.

I really need to start another internship. Senior Intern emailed me letting me know she has an interview at a large PD office in a large city on the West Coast. I'm excited for her and very jealous.

Working for the man

2007-09-26T19:10:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine at another law school got an externship working for a prosecutor. I told her we could no longer be friends. She didn't believe and somehow our friendship continues.

Today she told me that she can only do her job if she pretends that the defendant isn't actually a human. She is happy to have the law on her side most of the time, but isn't sure if that is a good thing.

I continue to believe that not doing law review was a good decision. My slacker load combined with moot court is enough to make me quite busy. I can't imagine spending hours each week reviewing citations. Just the thought of having to check other people's citations for hours on end makes me want to crawl into a hole and cry.

I'm reaching my target audience

2007-09-24T06:38:00.000-07:00

Someone found this site using the search terms "law school 1l beaten." The search terms "social worker suck" were also successful. Now I am hoping for "prosecutor's are evil" or "don't wear brown shoes with a black suit."

Dating a 1L is interesting. I'm very laid back and just don't care about law school this semester. I still go to my study group once a week. I still read for my classes and I still pay attention in most of my classes. I've even started outlining already. I just don't let the stress freak me out. 1L girl is letting the stress get to her and starting to freak out a bit. I'm not sure I will be able to handle this.

Last year the girl I dated went (even more) insane the month before finals began. She spent every single day in the library from 8-midnight studying. She would take a break from studying once a week. She wouldn't even take a break to go out to dinner with me. Usually the only time I saw her was if I gave her a ride home when she finished studying. I couldn't handle her neurosis. Her stress became my stress. I'm glad we broke up before finals because dumping her released a lot of stress from my life and let me enter finals calm and collected.

My study group has a much more relaxed approach to studying. Last time we studied we managed to spent an hour and 45 minutes actually doing work and only about 15 minutes watching videos on youtube. Insanely productive.

I got the State's response to the brief I wrote over the summer awhile ago. I knew by virtue of the fact that I was given the case that the issues were not that strong. It still sucked to see the State rip my arguments apart. I read so many half-assed, badly written briefs from the State over the summer and so of course in response to my brief they actually wrote something decent. We might still have an chance with the second issue but I just know the court will buy the State's argument on the first issue. Seeing a real attorney respond to something I wrote gave me that "real lawyer" feeling again.

Seriously?

2007-09-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

So your friend is in trouble with the law. Being a good friend you try and help your friend out by seeking out some legal advice for them. You turn to the best legal source available: the blog of former PD intern second year law student with a mediocre GPA.

In trying to get the 2L's legal advice you butter him up telling him about "his idiot woman public defender." Nothing inspires me to help more than denigrating women and those in the profession I am seeking. If only you could have called her sexuality into question.

I now understand why everyone else has a disclaimer next to their email address on their blog. I was thinking about giving him some legal advice. I hear that does wonders on the character and fitness portion of the bar exam. Oh it doesn't? Oh ok, guess he's screwed.

In unrelated, and overly personal, news I am no longer rumored to be the creepy 2L who is dating a 1L. I AM the creepy 2L. Go me.

Have I mentioned that I hate law school?

2007-09-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

Today at 12:30 I found out that I had a mandatory meeting at 5:45. I was one of the lucky ones. Some people didn't find out until 3:30. During the meeting where this was announced someone shouted, "This is bullshit." In response someone else said "I believe he speaks for the rest of us." The meeting was pointless as well. But hey I had nothing better to do today than spend 10 hours at the law school.

The rumor mongering is starting up again. Actually it has probably been going on the entire time it just involves me finally. The latest rumor is that I'm dating a 1L. Great now I'm the creepy 2L who preys on the fresh meat.

The 1L's are still so idealistic. There are a lot of them who are interested in criminal defense work and public interest law. I can't remember if my class was like that at the beginning. If we were it has been soundly beaten out of us.

Legal Movies

2007-09-10T00:11:00.000-07:00

I heard from Senior Intern recently. She's been busy and hasn't had a chance to write much. She just started an internship at the juvy branch of her local PD office. I'm very jealous.

She emailed me to thank me for her birthday present. I sent her three fabulous legal movies that everyone should watch.

The first film was Super Troopers. Besides the excellent criminal procedure hypos and numerous civil rights violations, the movie opens with three stoners arguing about property rights on the beach. Property law and criminal procedure, my least, and most favorite, areas of law, together at last.

Movie #2 was My Cousin Vinny. It was sent as inspiration to fight for her clients no matter how bad the case may look. The clients may just end up being innocent. It is also good inspiration for young attorney's facing their first big trial. They just have to have a girlfriend who knows a lot about cars.

Movie #3 was The Firm. This was sent so as to remind her that all firms are evil and she should never work at one.

If I had unlimited money I would have included: The Life of David Gale, A Civil Action (although the book is way better), and The People vs. Larry Flynt. I'm sure there a lot more great legal movies out there but this is my list. Any of my 4 readers have any better ones to suggest?*

*First person to say Legally Blonde gets banned.

anonymity and job search

2007-09-07T01:19:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of topics I want to blog about but I can't figure out how to do while maintaining my anonymity. Of course I've already given away enough details that all of my friends and coworkers could ID me instantly. I mostly maintain the anonymous status of my blog to prevent future employers from finding it.

I've applied for a couple PD internships next summer already. I've also applied for an internship at a non-profit working on prisoners' rights issues. I realize it is important to show that I am a "true believer" if I ever hope to get a job at a PD office and I hope that prisoners' rights work shows that. I figure working for prisoners shows my understanding that the guilty still deserve legal representation. I think prisoners work shows that even more than PD work. In theory a higher percentage of clients in a PD office are innocent than I would encounter doing prisoners' rights work.

I signed up for moot court yesterday after learning one of the moot courts offered has a criminal procedure case this year. Now I just have to hope I don't get assigned to the State's side of the case.

The Opine Editorials* linked to my post about marriage for same-sex couples in Iowa. I was all excited to have new readers until I went and read some posts at the Opine Editorials. The blog uses the term same-sex "marriage" with marriage always in quotation marks. The blog is devoted to "defending" marriage as between a man and a woman. I guess I should be happy that I'm not just preaching to the choir.

*I'm not going to link to them. You all have Google and can find their blog if you want to.

Marriage for same-sex couples

2007-09-03T21:04:00.000-07:00

Marriage was opened for same-sex couples in Iowa for all of a couple hours last week.* One couple managed to get married during that short time period. From the Des Moines Register:

The office hummed with excited gay and lesbian couples. McQuillan and Fritz filled out the paperwork for a marriage license. McQuillan put his name under "groom," Fritz under "bride." ("A very masculine bride," the bearded Fritz joked.)
They paid $5 to waive the three-day period between getting a marriage license and getting married. Now all they needed was a judge willing to sign the waiver form - then marry them.
...
Iowa's would-be first couple of gay marriage walked up the courthouse stairs and found District Judge Scott Rosenberg.
...
[A] minister with the First Unitarian Church of Des Moines agreed to marry them.
...
They raced down Interstate Highway 235, sprinted into the county administration building, ran to the office, received their official marriage certificate, and posed for the cameras.
It was 10:45 a.m.
Less than an hour later, Polk County Judge Robert Hanson suspended his earlier ruling allowing same-sex marriage, pending an appeal to the Iowa Supreme Court. Moments later, the Polk County recorder's office stopped accepting same-sex marriage license applications.

Read the entire story here.

Marriage for same-sex couples is one of those issues I get really passionate about and it confuses people. People ask if I'm gay a lot. (I suspect the shoe shopping and interest in men's fashion has something to do with it.) When they find out that I'm not they assume that I care about marriage for same-sex couple because I have a close friend or family member who is gay. I don't really. That isn't to say I don't have gay and lesbian friends, it just means that I would care about this issue just as much if I didn't know anyone who wasn't straight.

There are only two issues that I am willing to say there is no possible way to convince me that I am wrong. I am 100% convinced that marriage should be between two loving people regardless of sex, and I am 100% convinced that the death penalty is wrong. All other issues I welcome debate and am willing to revise my positions given the right argument.

I was going to post this on PD Stuff but it seems to be down right now. Thankfully Gideon should be back tomorrow to retake the throne.

*I don't refer to it as "gay marriage" or "same-sex marriage" as those terms were beaten out of me during my work with the ACLU. Both terms imply that it is a separate type of marriage for "gay" or "same-sex" couples, whereas the term "marriage for same-sex couples" indicates that it is the same marriage as given to a man and woman just opened up to all.

My reign of terror at PD stuff begins

2007-08-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

I began my reign of terror by posting selections from mellancollyeyes' post entitled "Grrr...school blows so much ass it's unbelievable. I realize PD stuff is supposed to be about Public Defenders but I felt like reminding them why their internship programs are so important to some law students.

I thought that managing PD stuff would kill a significant amount of time in class, but I was wrong. I was finished by the time I was halfway done with my first class. That left lunch and two classes with only freecell and spider solitaire to pass the time (along with various other internet games).

Tomorrow I will try and find material that is slightly more relevant to the general readership of PD stuff. If anyone has anything of interest they would like me to post on the main page just send me an email or leave a comment.

Letters from prisoners

2007-08-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

An organization I am involved with gets letters from prisoners across the country asking for help with their legal issues. When we have the time we research the prisoners' letters and send back short memos explaining the area of law to them. Many of our letters are from a prisoner who is preparing a habeas or a 1983 claim. Those letters I understand. I don't understand the letters from prisoners upset with their Public Defender and asking if we know of any lawyers who offer pro bono representation for indigent clients. We do know of lawyers who will work for no charge from you if you are indigent, they are called: PUBLIC DEFENDERS.

I really like Audacity's post about Michael Vick pleading guilty. I think I may print it out and mail it back to the prisoners who write in.

The best thing about Mike Vick pleading guilty is that if a client ever starts off with, “If I had a real lawyer…” I can say, “Mike Vick had a real lawyer.”

In unrelated news I will be guest blogging at PD Stuff starting on the 25th. I did a practice run today and posted two items. I'm like a PD blog intern.

Bleh

2007-08-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

I still want to be a PD but I just can't stand the thought of two more years of law school. I have come up with a new plan. California, Vermont, Virginia, or Washington still allow one to sit for the bar without attending law school. I humbly ask any PD's out there from California, Vermont, Virginia, or Washington if you would be willing to let me apprentice with you? I'll even pay you what I would have paid in tuition costs (which trust me is a good deal on your end.)

Anyone? Yeah didn't think so.

How about tips explaining how you dealt with Type-A gunners who think you are pond scum for not being in the top 10% and on law review? And don't say drink because I already do way to much of that.

I miss my internship.

OCI

2007-08-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

Everyone else is going insane with on campus interviews. One of my roommates has 9 interviews in one day. I have 0 interviews. There were no firms coming to my campus from the city where I want to practice. There were also no firms that do any criminal law other than white collar.

I've been spending my free time getting my resume in order and preparing cover letters letting all the PD offices know why I am awesome. I'm going PD office or bust.

Also a friend needs to stop bragging about being in the top 10%, law review, winning some award, TAing for someone and other general asshattery. I'm very happy that she did well, but she needs to shut it. She found out that a mutual friend did better than her in a certain class. She responded with an incredulous "really?"

I think it bothers her that I'm not jealous of her. I don't care that she will have a very easy time making a lot of money and working insane hours for some corporate law firm. As long as I can survive and practice criminal defense law in my city of choice I will be happy.

Who builds an outdoor mall in Wisconsin?

2007-08-01T10:00:00.001-07:00

I've driven through Wisconsin twice now. Both times I stopped at an outlet mall for a nice break. Last time there was snow on the ground and it was cold. I thought to myself that the mall was probably designed for the summer tourists and it was probably pretty nice there in the summer. I was wrong. Give me snow any day over the heat and humidity. I went into stores I would never purchase anything from just for some air conditioning. What kind of idiot decides that an outdoor mall is a good venue in a climate with brutal winters and hot/humid summers?

I would also like to address some driving concerns. If you are driving on a freeway with little to no traffic and someone comes up behind you to pass DO NOT SPEED UP. I know you are speeding up because I'm using cruise control and my speed hasn't changed.

Passing should occur in the left lane. The sign saying slower traffic keep right means that if I am behind you in the left most lane MOVE TO THE RIGHT.

I used to think that Montana was my favorite State to drive in. That was before I had driven in North Dakota. While boring as sin, North Dakota has the same speed limit as Montana (75mph) and better quality roads. The roads in Montana are horrible. The entire time I was in North Dakota I never once felt that the speed limit was unreasonable. I felt no desire to speed. The two times I saw a cop I almost hit the break as a reflex. Driving without a fear of being pulled over for speeding is a weird experience for me. This was the first time I had ever been in North Dakota. I previously drove through South Dakota. South Dakota is the lamer of the Dakotas. Wall Drug is the lamest thing on earth.

People can not drive in Minnesota. I swear the second I hit the border the quality of driving went down. Things stayed largely the same in Wisconsin, except a little slower and with a lot more cops. I saw more cops in Wisconsin than I did in the other six states I drove in combined.

Now that I am done with my internship I will turn this blog into more of a law school blog until next summer.

Former/future PD intern

2007-07-27T23:39:00.001-07:00

I only cried a little bit today. I might have made it out without crying in front of anyone had the other intern not started crying when I said good bye. In a strange way I was happy when she started crying because it told me that she enjoyed working with me as much as I enjoyed working with her.

It has been less than 12 hours since I left work and I already miss it. Even if I wasn't returning to the hell that is law school I would be sad right now. My internship had everything, great people, doing great work, in a wonderful city. Everyone offered wonderful advice on what I should do for next year and who I should talk to at what agency.

It didn't take my lackluster GPA first semester for me to realize that firm life was not for me. The little part of me that still thought I might one day end up at a firm died this summer. If I worked at a firm, even the most important client would not have as pressing of issues as the cases I handled as a PD intern. Sure Mr. Bigwig might lose $5 million dollars, but Mr. Crackdealer is going to lose 30 months of his life (assuming he is lucky and gets an exceptionally low sentence.)

Which reminds me, Mr. Crackdealer (well Ms. Crackdealer's accomplice really) sent us a letter today. He agreed that his case had issues but thoughtfully pointed out all the issues I failed to raise. I failed to raise a couple of issues that were completely absent from the record. I also failed to raise the issue that he had no illegal substance on him when he was arrested (nevermind the fact he was charged with being an accomplice to delivery).

The other intern tried to one up my sucking up skills today by bringing in a box of cookies. To out do her I negotiated the sale of a new car for one of the attorney's at the office. The car he wanted was selling in our area for roughly $700 below MSRP. I got it for $1300 under MSRP. I get a sick sense of enjoyment out of haggling. My coworker was ready to sign when I got it to $1100 under MSRP but I was persistent that we could do better. I should have made him split the $200 I saved him with me.

last week

2007-07-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

This will be my last week as an intern. I am not excited by this fact. I am not excited to return to the world of gunners. I have enjoyed every single day of my internship. The difference between the actual practice of law and law school astounds me. The only classes that taught me anything useful on a daily basis were Legal Writing and Research. I bitched and moaned a lot about my legal writing professor during law school. I stand by most of that bitching and moaning but I have give the prof credit for actually teaching me some decent legal writing skills.

Super Intern got to argue a case before the Court of Appeals on Friday. She embarrassed herself and the office with her pathetic attempt at oral advocacy. Actually she did an excellent job and we might actually win the case. I credit my excellent cheer leading for the win. Dammit I had a matching tie and REAL pocket square combo just for her oral arguments.

In thinking about what I want to do next summer it occurred to me that the Super Intern won't be there. This saddens me. We shared an "office" together this summer so we spent a lot of time working together. If we had not gotten a long it would have been a much more difficult summer. We bounced ideas off of each other so often that I'm having trouble imagining doing the work without her. We kept each other sane when deadlines approached. We complained about the crappiness of our issues. We shared stories about the hell that is law school. We sucked up to the attorneys with bags of chocolate. We watched as the seagull eggs hatched. We named their father after a prosecutor.

Terminations suck

2007-07-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

I've been working on a termination of parental rights case for the past week. My case sucked because it was winnable at the trial level if my client hadn't left in the middle. I'm not sure what I did to deserve the termination case, but I promise to never do whatever it was again. Nothing in life is bad enough to deserve a termination case as punishment. And I got the good termination case.

The other intern (we'll call her Senior Intern) in my office has a case where a developmentally disabled couple had their children taken away for a wide variety of reasons. Exhibit 1 is a photo of the couch in the their house. A couch covered with dog shit. The same dog shit that the social worker saw the children eating. Senior Intern represents the mother. In drafting her appeal she utilized In re Fake Name. Turns out the father in In re Fake Name is the same father of the children in her case. He apparently is the developmentally disabled mack daddy of our state. He preys on developmentally disabled women and sexually harasses the social workers. He does odd jobs for a man who owns a junkyard. The junkyard owner doesn't pay him in cash. Instead he gets all the junk his front yard can handle. He has an excellent business plan though. Once he has a big enough collection of junk, people will come in off the street and offer to buy his junk.

Lessons learned from working a termination.
1. Never piss of a social worker. The best mother on earth could have her children taken away by a disgruntled social worker and psychologist.

2. There is no right answer when speaking with a psychologist.
"My children frustrate me __ None of the time. ___ Some of the time. ___ All of the time." If you select the first option you are lying. The second option shows you need to work towards the first one. The last option just means you are honest.

If you express fear that the Department is going to take your children away (perhaps because they are working to take your children away) you are paranoid. Paranoia means you may become explosive and verbally lash out at your children. This may cause your children anxiety, which may lead to development issues for them. Thus you are clearly unfit as a parent.

3. When the Department says "services" they mean "hoops," hoops for you to jump through like a circus animal. You had better not hit the side of the hoops. Only a perfect leap through the hoop shows your dedication to fixing your parental deficiencies.

4. Being a victim of domestic violence is apparently a parental deficiency. (And previous cases have shown that being raped by 10 different men means you are unable to protect your children.)

5. Judges will believe anything said by a State psychologist or social worker.

6. If one of your parental deficiencies is your failure to maintain employment, the State will schedule your visitation during work hours.

Some good news as well. My stupid pro se client realized what a dumb move he made and asked the Court to withdraw his motion.

Defense 2, State 0

2007-07-11T15:41:00.001-07:00

Good news. Got a verdict in the prosecutorial misconduct case yesterday. Jury acquitted on 1st degree murder and hung on 2nd degree and manslaughter.

Just goes to show the damage that prosecutorial misconduct can cause.
1st trial with misconduct, guilty of 1st degree murder.
2nd trial with essentially the same witnesses and evidence, jury can't even agree to manslaughter.

(Although I think one of the jurors was so disgusted by the fake pocket square that they refused to convict.)

prosecutorial misconduct

2007-07-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

Watched a closing argument in a murder case today. The prosecutor essentially argued that because the defendant was in the car when the gun was passed around and didn't hurl himself out the window he was an accomplice.

A couple other observations from court:
Fake pocket squares make you look like a tool, don't wear them.
Bowties work for 1% of the population. For the other 99% they make you look like more of a tool than your fake pocket square.
Don't wear brown shoes with a black suit.
Jurors get pissed off when they find out they were an alternate. Seriously the lady looked like she was going to cry.
Listening to jury instructions is boring.

pro se defendants

2007-07-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

I worked my ass off for the past week and a half writing a motion for discretionary review. The case didn't have very good issues, but I scraped the bottom of the barrel writing something. My second issue was so "creative" that my supervisor told me he was surprised I was able to create as strong of an argument as I did.

Then yesterday we learned that the factual basis for my first issue was actually different so I couldn't make the argument. That left me with crappy issue #2. Ok fine we aren't going to win but at least all my work wasn't in vain. I reformated the motion to only include the single issue.

Then today we got some mail. Our client decided to write and file his own motion. Said motion contained 15 appendices, no citations to any court cases and raised a prosecutorial misconduct issue for the first time. The issue I had argued was not mentioned at all.

A week and a half of work for nothing. I can't even use what I wrote as a writing sample because it is such a god awful weak argument.